Record Temps Spreading Fear Throughout Area

As North Dakota temperatures reach record highs, many fear for their lives

Fargo, ND – The month of March has proven already to be one of the scariest winter months on record for our region. With temperatures in the state reaching as high as 70 degrees, most North Dakotans have become stricken with panic. With the December 12th doomsday prophecy and Snooki’s pregnancy looming, we can now safely add global warming to the mounting list of our fears. Many locals have been, without question, fearing for their lives what with global warming as prevalent as it ever has been. Neighborhood master of panic Stan Haynes had this to say:

“I don’t know. It’s not supposed to be this warm and it’s been warm all dang winter. If this keeps up i’ll have to pack up my things and move to Iceland!!”

Mr. Haynes went on to flail his arms wildly in the air while screaming. What does this mean for the future of America? Can the sun and it’s power be stopped? We’re not so sure anymore.