Church Bazaar Selling Some Bizarre Items

May 6th, 2014 | by Johnnny
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Bizarre items selling at Bazaar.

Fargo, ND – It’s that bizarre time of year again when many local churches have their church bazaars to raise money for various church programs.

For a very reasonable price, one can usually purchase wonderful home-made baked goods and hand-made craft items which represent the regional culture.

The FM Observer has learned that one local church is selling some rather unusual items this year.

The Second Lutheran Church has put together a rather motley collection of bizzär items (to say the least).

“How bizzär?” you might ask. Well, just take a goosey gander at the list for yourself:

FOOD ITEMS

  • Inflatable Meatloaf in-a-can
  • Norwegian Lutefisk on-a-stick
  • Mabel’s “Ass-Blaster” hot sauce
  • Grandma’s home-made Gravy Candy
  • Individually wrapped pieces of “Magic” Cake
  • Recipe Book of 1,001 Casseroles & Hotdishes
  • Dehydrated Octopus Jerky (just add salted water)
  • Raw fish Sushi Sandwiches deep-fried in cod liver oil
  • Microwaved Philly Steak & Cheese Hot Pockets served in waffle cones

SECULAR ITEMS

  • Autographed copies of Big Bird’s Memoirs
  • Partially-used prescription medications
  • Fargo Farce hockey jerseys
  • MouseTrap Cheese Boards
  • Hand-shaped Hand Soaps
  • MouseTrap Mouse Pads
  • 3-packs of Spatulas
  • Mesh Umbrellas
  • Mystery Boxes
  • Grab Bags

RELIGIOUS ITEMS

  • Musical Jesus Wallet
  • Left-over Communion Wine
  • Autographed pictures of Jesus
  • Burnt toast with image of Jesus
  • Raffle chances to give a Sunday Sermon
  • Book of Black Magic Spells & Incantations
  • Raffle for two pairs of one-way tickets to Heaven
  • Rosary Beads & Necklaces made by Seasoned Citizens

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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)