Kate Middleton Deems Dental Hygiene ‘Unpractical’

December 1st, 2014 | by Sam Wigness

Kate MiddletonWith curves in the correct places, a beautiful baby and a charming smile, Kate Middleton tops People’s “Top 25 Hot Celeb List,” but her latest input on oral hygiene has left many to ponder upon the British way.

More than a year after giving birth to Prince George of Cambridge (whatever that means), Middleton revealed that she follows the strict British tradition of hardly every brushing her teeth. She claims poor hygienic practices are simply a part of joining the royal family.

“I brush my teeth once every forknight,” Middleton said. “I’m still trying to figure out what a forknight is, but I think its once every three or four nights. William is really the rule-maker around here. If he brushes his teeth, then I’ll join, if not, we go to bed. It’s really very simple and British.”

According to the Royal British Hygienic Code, royal members are only ordained to bath and/or brush every 12 days. The code was established in 1744 by King George III (for reasons yet to be understood by historians) and has been followed (for reasons yet to be understood by anyone) to this day. Royalty remains odorous and questioned by British Parliamentary and citizens alike.

“I love a good queen, I do,” Londoner Tom Blinder said, he did. “But her teef looks like she fell head first into a pile of rubbish.”

Middleton continues to deny the accusations by common folk like Tom Blinder, and seems quite calm regarding her pearly-greys, but the Twitter-verse has certainly taken an interest in the matter. @iMwATCHINGYOU said this:

“Kate is supposed to be the role model for the whole planet. I haven’t brushed my teeth since I saw I selfie of Kate brushing her own, but it’s been nearly 32 years… when can I brush?”

The 32-year-old Duchesses, remaining un-buggered, said only this:

“I’ll admit it, oral hygiene has not been a primary concern of the British people in the last 400 years, and it still isn’t today. So what if our teef are grey and smelly? We invented electricity and baseball. Isn’t that enough?”


The following two tabs change content below.

Sam Wigness

Contributor since August 2014. I'm trying to be a talented writer, guitar player and golfer... some attempts are going better than others. Escaped Grand Forks after four years of hard time at UND.