Online Trolls Say 2014 Will Be A Great Year For Them

March 2nd, 2014 | by Bill Burns

Internet TrollOnline trolls have recently slithered out of their holes to state that they think 2014 will be a great year for them.

Due to the still ever increasing use of social media, trolls are having a better chance of seeing uplifting stories that they can engage in and throw their venomous feces all over.

We spoke to a few trolls online.  User “IMTHEGREATEST” is one that we had the chance to speak to.

“I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for us trolls.  I’m literally like so excited.  If it wasn’t for trying to make peoples lives miserable for no reason, I would be lost.  I’ve been crafting my unique trolling skills lately and I can’t wait to use them.  Ultimately I’d like get someone so aggravated that they kill themselves.  LOL!”

We got to speak to another troll user named “MoNKeYBaLLS.”

“I’m the greatest warrior the internet has ever seen.  I’m certainly no pussy.  Just yesterday I told a cancer patient that I hope she dies.  This morning I told a bunch of animal lovers that I’d run over all their animals without question.  It’s what I do.  It’s what I’m good at.  I also know everything.  I have a PHD.  It’s not recognized as real but I have one.”

User “LOTF” had this to say.

“2014 is going to be great!  I should probably get out of bed because it’s been 2 months since I’ve done so.  However, I was speaking to other trolls and they are just as excited as I am for this year.  I can’t wait for all the good positive stories to come out that I can ruin for everyone.”

Lastly, we spoke with user “48575743.”

“I…..cannot…….wait to see what is in-store for 2014!  If I didn’t have the internet i’d have been beaten up like 200 times by now LOL.  Or murdered LOL.  When I’m on the internet I don’t have to worry about being punched in the face repeatedly since they don’t know where I live!  I’m a very very smart person.  2014 will be a great year for me to feel better about myself.  I will promise to dedicate all my energy to being a complete jerk online.”

Today, internet trolls are increasing in numbers rapidly.  Why?  We don’t know.  We can though give you some tips.  See below.

  • The famous motto “Do not feed the trolls” is real and still works.  Simply ignoring them will make them bored and they will move quickly to troll others.
  • On facebook you may block them so you never see their mouth feces scattered about ever again.
  • Be sarcastically nice to them.
  • Find out their real name and post the trolling details on blogs etc.  This way if someone is searching for that person in particular, they will find out that he is a worthless troll.
  • Murder them with fire.

Those are just some ways to effectively deal with trolls.  2014 is looking to be even more frustrating.

How do you deal with trolls?


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.