THE DEVIL!

Nashville, TN – A god-fearing (or satan-fearing, depending on how you look at it) man in Tennessee quit his job the other day after his company W-2 form came through stamped with the numbers 666. Walter Slonopas got the H-E-double hockey sticks out of that obviously possessed workplace after he noticed the very frightening sequence of numbers.

Walter spoke with The Tennessean about his admittedly bizarre circumstance, telling them that “The Bible calls 666 the number of the beast” and that he could “either go to work, or go to hell.” After feeling Satan’s icy grip slide around his throat, Walter decided to jet. For good.

Contech Casting, the company he worked for, stated that it was merely the order in which the W-2 forms went out and that the presence of the number was a complete and utter coincidence. They also stated that it was a coincidence that Walter was assigned the very same eerie number to clock in with in 2011 when he began his employment.

I can’t say I blame Walter for bolting like that. I mean, if I saw the numbers 69 appear on my W-2, i’d probably think that Gina from Accounting wanted to have sex on me. And if the number zero came through stamped on my papers? I’d feel like my life had no meaning and would probably fall into a pit of depression. But if I was magically graced with the number 1 on my forms? I’m on top of the world. There would be no stopping me.

Life is all about meaningless numbers, you guys.