Tag Archives: tax season

Sir Elton John Is Buying The Fargo Theater

Sir Elton John is the proud new owner of the famous Fargo Theater.

Sir Elton John is the proud new owner of the famous Fargo Theater.

Old Windsor, Berkshire – Through our London branch office, the FM Observer has just learned that Sir Elton John is purchasing the Fargo Theater.

FMO: Mr. John, why did you want to buy the Fargo Theater, of all places?

Sir Elton John: Well, actually, it has long been on my bucket list, to own the Fargo Theater. We all thought it was a bloody good fit, a win-win, if you will? Plus, I loved the movie Fargo, and the wood chipper, and all that. And also, my accountants said this would be a great tax write-off!

FMO: Will you be doing any performances in Fargo, at your newly acquired concert venue?

Sir Elton John: That is a very likely scenario and we’ll have more exciting things to say about that in coming months! Right now, I’d just like to say, thank you to all the friendly people of Fargo, for welcoming me into your community, and for allowing me to own such a famous landmark, which will forever after be known as: Sir Elton John’s Fargo Theater, for tax purposes.

Three coincidental numbers prompt man to quit job



Nashville, TN – A god-fearing (or satan-fearing, depending on how you look at it) man in Tennessee quit his job the other day after his company W-2 form came through stamped with the numbers 666. Walter Slonopas got the H-E-double hockey sticks out of that obviously possessed workplace after he noticed the very frightening sequence of numbers.

Walter spoke with The Tennessean about his admittedly bizarre circumstance, telling them that “The Bible calls 666 the number of the beast” and that he could “either go to work, or go to hell.” After feeling Satan’s icy grip slide around his throat, Walter decided to jet. For good.

Contech Casting, the company he worked for, stated that it was merely the order in which the W-2 forms went out and that the presence of the number was a complete and utter coincidence. They also stated that it was a coincidence that Walter was assigned the very same eerie number to clock in with in 2011 when he began his employment.

I can’t say I blame Walter for bolting like that. I mean, if I saw the numbers 69 appear on my W-2, i’d probably think that Gina from Accounting wanted to have sex on me. And if the number zero came through stamped on my papers? I’d feel like my life had no meaning and would probably fall into a pit of depression. But if I was magically graced with the number 1 on my forms? I’m on top of the world. There would be no stopping me.

Life is all about meaningless numbers, you guys.