Tag Archives: fargo-moorhead

Answer To Fargo’s Beaver Problem: Catapult Them Into Minnesota!

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Beavers Being Catapulted Into Moorhead

Tree-killing beavers being catapulted back and forth between Fargo and Moorhead.

Fargo, ND – After many possible solutions to Fargo’s beaver problem were reviewed, city authorities decided to relocate the tree-eating rodents by sending them flying into Minnesota via giant catapults.

Unfortunately, shortly after Project Catapult began, a Moorhead man suffered a concussion after being struck in the head by one of these flying beavers.

Some angry Moorheaders are now beginning to catapult these same beavers back into Fargo.

This feudal vendetta is beginning to even spill over into on-line social media after it was reported that return fire from one Moorhead man struck a Fargo resident directly in his facebook, causing temporary insanity.

The worst of the outdoor fighting now seems to be concentrated in the area between Fargo’s Lindenwood Park and Moorhead’s Gooseberry Park, where people are being warned to wear hockey helmets at all times.

New FM Lakes Shuttle Service To Alleviate Weekend Traffic

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Fargo-Moorhead providing shuttle service to and from "The Lakes".

Fargo-Moorhead providing shuttle service to and from “The Lakes”.

Fargo, ND – The Fargo-Moorhead Corporation will begin providing driverless shuttle service to the popular Minnesota lakes area in an effort to alleviate weekend traffic jams.

Pick up points in the FM area will be from all Sam’s Club and Walmart parking lots.

Shuttles will leave once every hour. The cost per person will be $15 or 10 Bitcoins.

Once all passengers are on board, smartphone GPS technology will automatically determine the quickest and best route based on everyone’s destination coordinates.

“We think this is a great plan based on the fact the everyone involved is trying to take credit for the idea,” said Shuttle Captain, Charlene Melacon.

New Business Called “Janitors On Steroids” Coming To Fargo-Moorhead Area

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If you call now, instead of just one Janitor, we’ll send you two “Janitors On Steroids”!

Fargo, ND – With the ever-growing economy in the FM area, the need for excellent janitorial services grows with it. The FM Observer is proud to announce that we have personally invited a new business called “Janitors On Steroids” to soon move into our area.

Local businesses and homes in needs of “the best janitorial services on the planet” will soon be able to call “Janitors On Steroids” to sign up for a variety of assistance plans, including: Basic Window Washing, A-to-Z Kitchen Cleaning, or the famous Full House Top-to-Bottom Package.

What are some happy customers saying about “Janitors On Steroids”?

Emily Duckens admits: “These guys are good. Fast, friendly, and thorough!”

Wanda Psychs tweeted: “OMG! As soon as they’re done cleaning, I want them back again.”

Krystal Balle says: “Each one can lift a ton!”

For the first 100 customers to sign up for “Janitors On Steroids”, you will be put into a drawing for free janitorial services, a life-time supply of cleaning products, and a special Grand Prize Safari Adventure to Zambia.

Disclaimer: “Janitors On Steroids” is not responsible for any damage to your dwelling or personal property while frantically cleaning your home at top speed. “Janitors On Steroids” may from time to time feel the need to drink beer and administer steroids to maintain top level job performance. “Janitors On Steroids” is not in any way affiliated with the FM Observer except for the fact that we all hang out together and work for the same parent company.