Pyongyang, North Korea – I believed it the entire time. I never gave up hope that they were real, and now, we can finally put the speculation to rest. The unicorn exists! Proof that the one-horned, white horse of mythical elegance exists has been uncovered in the North Korean capital of Pyongyang. Evidence of said discovery has been officially backed by the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences.
This absolutely credible Korean institution states, in a report, that a rectangular rock carved with the words “UNICORN LAIR” has been discovered approximately 220 yards from an ancient Pyongyang temple. The carving is said to date back to the ancient kingdom of Koryo, established in 1392.
“The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn.”
Ok, hold on a goddamn second. A carved rock sits across the yard from an ancient temple for over 600 years and nobody says peep about it until now? *BEEEEEEEEEP* *BEEEEEEEEEEP* *BEEEEEEEEP* That’s the sound of the BS alarm going off at full-blast. Why are you toying with us, Korea?! It appears that the Outlandish One, the King of the Bullshitters himself, Kim Jong-il is haunting us from BEYOND THE GRAVE. Remember when that little shit-ass told the world he shot 11 holes-in-one during a single round of golf? That sure was believable.
Um, yeah, hi, North Korea? Did a giant flock of flying pigs dump pixie dust all over your country, thus clouding your judgement? Call me when you’ve excavated a 500-foot-tall Godzilla skeleton or some fossilized dragon semen. Maybe then we can start taking you seriously.