“Clean them clowns off our city streets ‘n get em out to the pipeline”

Clowning an end to the protest.

Fargo, ND – Authorities think they’ve found a solution for all the unwelcome clowns we’ve noticed lately.

Clowning around has the people on edge. Ronald McDonald, Bozo, Krusty–they’ve all gone dormant after the recent outcry.

Lucky for them, authorities have found a more positive use for these Bozos. They want the color-clad jokesters to put their inadvertent scare tactics to work on the Dakota Access Pipeline protest.

Burns county sheriff Wint Cowbuster explains: “Nobody likes clowns anymore. Have you seen the news? A clown can’t even drive a car without spooking someone into phoning dispatch. ‘Yes, hi, 911? There’s a clown in a car.’ Really, guys? Really?? A clown can freak somebody out from inside his own vehicle? Fine, if they’re so scary we’ll see how the protesters like ’em.”

State patrol wants “a few dozen” volunteer clowns to hitch a ride out to the pipeline protest.

Any clowns who want to scare off some protesters will be picked up from wooded areas and sidewalks in the coming days.

They say a typical patrol squad car can transport up to 20 clowns at a time.