Local residents were delivered quite a treat Sunday night as the supermoon was in full view. If you were one of the unlucky ones not able to witness it in person, we’ve provided pictures of this spectacular phenomenon below. Enjoy!
West Fargo, ND – Bill Hennesy, 32, was arrested Saturday evening for excessive use of the word “dude” and “man”.
Police are reporting that patrons at Bar Nine in West Fargo heard Mr. Hennesy say dude and man in nearly every sentence. One bar patron counted the two words being used a total of 40 times in 3 minutes. After nearly two hours of countless dudes and mans, a couple sitting next to them had enough and called police.
Mr. Hennesy was arrested and released on $1000 bond for excessive use of the word dude and man.
Upon release he stated, “Oh my god dude! Man! What the hell? This is totally bogus dude. Oh my god man I’m totally going to fight this charge dude.”
Fargo, ND – Arby’s on 42nd ST in Fargo North Dakota has been discovered to be hiding life’s greatest secrets.
After years and years of visiting Arby’s restaurant for luch, Janet Soviet began noticing that the employees working there were always ridiculously happy. Not just on this particular day, but everyday. This prompted Janet to reach out to friends and family asking them if they had similar experiences. With no luck, Janet contacted the Fargo police department. The Fargo police department had just written enough traffic tickets for the month and was more than happy to help.
Jay Derp of the Fargo Police Department, went undercover for two weeks. He visited the Arby’s store on 42nd Street a total of five times. With every visit, officer Derp was able to gather more and more intel. With enough evidence, Derp was able to acquire a search warrant and searched the business residence later this afternoon. What Derp found was remarkable.
Police records state that the officers upon searching the residence, found a large entrance that leads to an underground bunker of some sort. A discovery that will change the history of mankind forever.
Fargo police searched the underground bunker and state that they may have made the biggest discovery in human existence. One such secret found was that Santa Clause is actually Chinese.
Police will not go into full detail due to the ongoing investigation but state that this is one of the biggest, greatest, most important discoveries ever.
We will report more once new information becomes available.
Fargo man often mistaken for Abraham Lincoln.
Fargo, ND – A local Fargo man often gets told he looks a lot like someone else.
Mr. Gilmore Rawls, a long-time resident of Fargo, bears an uncanny similarity to President Abraham Lincoln, who lived about 150 years ago.
When asked if he ever gets requests for an autograph, Mr. Rawls says “Oh yes, all the time!” And then he proceeds to write out “Gilmore Rawls” using an old ink pen he made from an eagle feather.
“If I had a dollar for every autograph I’ve signed over the years, it probably would have been enough to pay my way through law school, which was always a dream of mine.”
Gilmore Rawls’ family originated from the Kentucky area, also similar to Abe Lincoln.
After moving to Fargo, Gilmore worked at the post office and also as a county surveyor. “I was also pretty good with an axe, and have made many a fence in my days”, he added.
These days, he likes to spend most of his time reading history books by the light of his old stone fireplace.
On whether or not he’s seen the recent movie about President Lincoln, Gilmore said: “I’m not really a movie-going person. If anything, I like to go see a good play at the local community theater.”
Watering no longer allowed in West Fargo
West Fargo, ND – The City of West Fargo is now implementing a total ban on watering for at least the remainder of this summer.
The fastest growing city between Chicago and Hiroshima has decided to impose a complete watering ban because its earlier even/odd restrictions were not being followed.
The normal guidelines allow for even/odd numbered homes to water on even/odd numbered days between the hours of 6PM and 10AM.
The total watering ban was unanimously voted on by the City Commission.
The cities of Fargo and Moorhead are seriously considering doing the same thing.
Climatological data suggests that we are entering a period of Global Drying which may last for the next 10-30 years.
West Fargo residents who are caught watering their yards will first be given a $500 warning.
Second violations would receive a $1,000 fine along with confiscation of all sprinklers and hoses.
The faces of residents who violate the watering ban will also be shown on the “Water Glutton” board which will be largely displayed at the intersection of Main and Sheyenne streets.
Keet Paliograph and Whackite Chlomsburger, both Fargo, gave birth to daughter Knat, Cliff’s Birthin’ Shed, Thursday, July 10th
Lazza and Gayton Toesmasher, Fargo, gave birth to son Back, Larry’s Labor Lounge, Thursday, July 24th
Hixy Blowflash and Floper Dunksted, both Fargo, gave birth to daughter Zwirla, Cliff’s Birthin’ Shed, Friday, July 25th
Ketcha and Tomby Scabblick, West Fargo, gave birth to son Joz, Larry’s Labor Lounge, Monday, July 28th
Kula RePaParker and Zemp Clobberchopp, both Fargo, gave birth to son Durt, Cliff’s Birthin’ Shed, Thursday, July 31st
Congratulations, all!
Fargo, ND—It was supposed to be just another Wednesday afternoon for a Fargo mom. Frosha VanTinkle, a colorblind, drove to Scabby Trail Daycare like usual to pick up her infant daughter Spyler. What happened next may shock you.
What you may not realize about the colorblind is that they not only suffer great difficulty differentiating colors–they also struggle telling the difference between what is real and what is not, as evidenced in this 20th-century Conan O’Brien segment:
Unfortunately for VanTinkle, she mistook a fake plastic Baby Alive® for little Spyler. An honest mistake for a colorblind. VanTinkle fed, bathed, and clothed what she thought was her daughter until the Baby Alive ran out of battery power and died. A frenzied VanTinkle then called 911. When paramedics arrived, they facetiously informed her what she had done and she was able to retrieve the real baby Spyler from Scabby Trail Daycare.
Please remember to watch out for the colorblind. If you see a colorblind slopping down a urinal cake, simply wish it a happy birthday and be on your merry way. Thank you.
Be Right Back!
Fargo, ND – Apparently Paul McCartney enjoyed playing his music in Fargo so much, that he’s coming back for an encore concert.
“Yah, I really got a kick out of Fargo, so we decided to do it again, yah know?” he said during an exclusive interview. “But this next time around, I am going to play all different songs, and play them right-handed, just to switch things around a bit.”
His “BE RIGHT BACK” concert is “unprecedented”, says Nigel Banks, who works as a self-employed concert expert specializing in British concert tour scheduling history. “He must really like Fargo. Fargo should be quite proud of this.”
Fargodome officials are “simply delighted” that Sir Paul wants to return for another concert. “No firm dates have yet been decided upon, but we’ll figure something out! You can count on that!” tweeted the Fargodome.
Some on-the-street reactions to this big news:
“Wasn’t Paul McCartney just here last year?”
“This is some kind of joke, right?”
“Since I missed him the first time, this is very good news.”
“He is ambidextrous, too?”
Watch for further details about Sir Paul McCartney’s BE RIGHT BACK concert on your local news channels. (There is even some talk that he might be looking into buying a home in the Fargo area.)
Dr. Qance Pepper, M.D.
Fargo, ND—A former patient of local necrosurgeon Dr. Qance Pepper, M.D. is suing for malpractice due to what he’s calling a botched necroplasty. The plaintiff, Sextin Growshaft, is citing “extreme negligence” among other charges.
Growshaft, having been a huge fan of the Walking Dead comic book and television series, contacted Dr. Pepper last March to see if he was a candidate for necroplasty. “I love zombies and badly wanted to become one,” said Growshaft. “Dr. Pepper was seemingly the only option. I wanted him to turn me into a decaying foot-dragging brain-chewer but as it turns out, Dr. Pepper is nothing but a fraud.”
Dr. Pepper is the area’s premiere necrosurgeon having been performing necroplasty on willing patients for over a decade. “Necroplasty is, in every case, fatal, if performed correctly,” stated Dr. Pepper. “I’ve been sued countless times for malpractice due to the deaths my successful surgeries have caused. Now, to have a customer sue me for a botched procedure….well, this one really stings.”
The Observer has learned that Dr. Pepper plans to fight the lawsuit with his wife Diet Pepper by his side.
Save Your Spleen in 2014
Detroit Lakes, MN – The drunkenly popular WE Fest celebration of country music at the Soo Pass Ranch has been cancelled for 2014 due to serious health concerns.
The annual outdoor music festival was scheduled for August 7-8-9 but fans will have to wait until 2015 to see their favorite country music stars, such as Travis Tritt and Brad Paisley.
Minnesota health officials have discovered a massive infestation of ticks carrying a deadly disease which causes an acute inflammation of the spleen.
Dr. Willy Nilly of the CDC: “We have never seen such a large population of dangerous ticks like this before. The lovely meadows and woods surrounding the Soo Pass Ranch near Lake Sallie are literally crawling with ticks. They may have been recently transported here by federal agents bringing illegal aliens up to this region from the Texas border. The strain of spleenitis that these ticks are carrying basically causes an infected person to bleed to death within 48 hours.”
WE Fest organizers have changed this year’s slogan from “Living The Dream in 2014” to “Save Your Spleen in 2014”. They say that “all 2014 tickets will be honored in 2015 for the exact same line-up of country music sensations, such as: Jason’s Aldean and Ashley’s Monroe.”
“If folks do want to getogether this year somewhere besides the infested Soo Pass Ranch, we will have a karaoke contest every day in the parking lot of the Detroit Lakes Walmart, which will be hosted by Scotty McCreery of American Idol fame.”
UPDATE: This post is completely fictitious (not real). WE Fest 2014 has not been cancelled.