Local

Area Clowns Needed To Scare Off Pipeline Protesters

“Clean them clowns off our city streets ‘n get em out to the pipeline” Fargo, ND – Authorities think they’ve found a solution for all the unwelcome clowns we’ve noticed lately. Clowning around...

Tilda Swinton Adds Fargo Shapeshifting Charity Tour Stop

Fargo: The Witching Hour is nigh upon you. Famed Hollywood actress Tilda Swinton, best known for her superior acting prowess, is spearheading Breast Cancer Awareness month by bringing one of her lesser-known talents on a...

Republican National Committee Considering Cormorant Mayor As Presidential Nominee

Washington, DC – After a very tumultuous couple weeks, the Republican National Committee is flailing. The Donald has finally boasted himself out of public favor (for the most part–but some still want to Make America...

Republican National Committee To Replace Donald Trump With Broomstick

Washington, DC – At this hour, the Republican backpedal is spinning at over 6 million revolutions per second as the GOP scrambles to find a replacement for noted gropesmith Donald Trump.  Reince Preibus was forced to...

E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack

New York, NY – In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of another potential hack aimed at their users’ personal data....

Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor

Skittletopia, West Virginia – The founding father of one of America’s favorite candies has taken offense to this new Trump campaign musing: Shortly after Donald Trump, Jr tweeted that photo, Skittles pioneer Phictor...

Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool

Rochester, NY – Amidst controversy over statements made to A Polícia Brasileira, Ryan Lochte had been sought for questioning until today. With help, A Polícia Brasileira have located Lochte hiding in his favorite...

Pokemon Go Trainer Wants Your Ass In His Class

Fargo, ND – There is high local demand for Pokegoods and Pokeservices now that the hot new app Pokemon Go has taken America by storm. People of all ages are looking to level-up as they embark on a quest to “catch them...

Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Water pollution isn’t the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is...

Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons

Fargo, ND – A small number of Android users have become affected by a nefarious hack into the newly-famous Pokemon Go mobile game interface. Certain pokehunters are now encountering demonic hellspawn where cute and...