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Weekly Listing Of Divorces In Cass County

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There are just as many reasons to get divorced as there are divorces.

Fargo, ND – It’s time once again to list the divorces going down in Cass County.

All of the following couples are uncoupling.

They have decided to part ways and go in different directions.

After some matrimonial restructuring, these former life partners will be relieved of their marital duties as they drop the terms “husband” and “wife” from their spousal relationships.

Here is this week’s listing of marriages that are being relocated to Splitsville:

Lori Aveline vs. Butch Barfneck
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: She didn’t take my last name.

Dorine Blavnok vs. Valim Blavnok
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Is Scientology a cult or religion?

Marta Blinkfire vs. Kolt Blinkfire
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Brussel Sprouts!

Jezza Borgwheezel vs. Olaph Borgwheezel
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Definition of “clean”.

Camelia Brandagamba vs. Vernius Brandagamba
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Impossible Impeachment Impasse.

Matilda Brockhouse vs. Cosimo Brockhouse
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse laughs too loudly.

Pamphila Brownlock vs. Jago Brownlock
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My husband spends too much time in the basement.

Trixa Chertofski vs. Kinck Chertofski
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Weed gummy bears.

Robin Chubb vs. Xander Chubb
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse won’t come out of the closet.

Zelda Chunkfest vs. Lester Chunkfest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Sense of humor differences.

Gringa Clayhanger vs. Niles Clayhanger
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: The juggling of our finances.

Starla DePhilpott vs. Gifford DePhilpott
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Who wears the pants in our family?

Camelia Diggle vs. Uffo Diggle
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Smartphone distraction.

Zoelle Ergerjoint vs. Knute Ergerjoint
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Poor grammar (past participles)

Herkna Fimvest vs. Dorknel Fimvest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Control of the remote controls.

Bertha Flokmesker vs. Angstoid Flokmesker
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Is the FMObserver real fake news?

Gerda Galbassi vs. Bucca Galbassi
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Global Warming vs Climate Change.

Lalia Gawkroger vs. Sancho Gawkroger
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My husband is losing his marbles!

Ingo Goldworthy vs. Bungo Goldworthy
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Quid pro snow.

Melila Headstrong vs. Eliot Headstrong
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Over-usage of our credit cards.

Lusha Inkshed vs. Joltan Inkshed
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Einstein’s theory of relatives.

Zhway Jongburg vs. Nyork Jongburg
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Different definition of decency.

Milava Konvalb vs. Bilavo Konvalb
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: The 5th Amendment.

Suzetta Lightfoot vs. Fulvus Lightfoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Multi-level furniture.

Thora McMolten vs. Judd McMolten
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Prayer breakfasts.

Moxie Nogbanks vs. Buster Nogbanks
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Turning our living room into a pistol range.

Psalm Olgschmacher vs. Wellington Olgschmacher
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Honda vs Hyundai.

Rhoda Puddifoot vs. Segol Puddifoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Selection of pizza toppings.

Astoria Quivelski vs. Cyprus Quivelski
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: She is possessed by the devil!

Dayja Rafferty vs. Conrad Rafferty
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Walls dividing every room.

Golden Rumble vs. Holman Rumble
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Number of condiments in the fridge.

Malva Sandyman vs. Filberto Sandyman
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse is colluding with the Russians.

Pandora Smallburrow vs. Togo Smallburrow
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Peanuts envy.

Cameo Stafko vs. Francois Stafko
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Usage of South Park for home schooling.

Juna Tafanofleroid vs. Zix Tafanofleroid
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Excessive flatulence.

Delvina Trumpiano vs. Rectan Trumpiano
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Different levels of hoarding.

Mariposa Twofoot vs. Milo Twofoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Difference between work and play.

Jessalyn Ugersmacker vs. Jax Ugersmacker
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: NFL Pickem choices.

Julla VanDruBoaix vs. Betan VanDruBoaix
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Who should walk the dog?

Elna Vanpiper vs. Wermbang Vanpiper
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Abuse of flower.

Merni Vlemeyer vs. Carvon Vlemeyer
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Severe halitosis.

Damarni Whempest vs. Jork Whempest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Whether “memoji” is a valid scrabble word?

Bing Loo Xing vs. Bong Lee Xong
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Too much/too little makeup.

Jilian Yelpstern vs. Tonk Yelpstern
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Stacking beer cans.

Onesta Zaragamba vs. Haiduc Zaragamba
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Lack of respect for in-laws.

Anima Zorvdunkel vs. Guavchut Zorvdunkel
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Making coffee.

​Wealthy Benefactor Offers Conditional Money For Two Red River Valley Counties

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King Poladian Cordeiro of Cyprus

Las Vegas, NV – King Poladian Cordeiro of Cyprus has announced a conditional offering of very large sums of money for two lucky counties in the Red River Valley of the North.

King Cordeiro of Cyprus is offering Cass County $1 Billion for building the Red River Diversion project.

However, the Diversion project must be completely finished by October 31, 2021 or Cass County will owe the King twice his offer.

Separately, Poladian Cordeiro is offering Grand Forks County $500 Million if they can get UND’s team name changed back to the Fighting Sioux by January 1, 2021.

When asked why these generous offers for North Dakota, Poladian Cordeiro explained that he loves the movie Fargo, and he used to play hockey for UND.

Former Sunmart Building Being Renovated Into House Of 1,000 Corpses

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morgue

Haunted grocer

Fargo, NDβ€”What was once an affordable area grocery has been abandoned, gutted, haunted by ghosts and now faces plans for a rather frightening makeover. The building formerly known as Sunmart on 25th street and 13th avenue in South Fargo is being repurposed by Cass County as the new location for their House Of 1,000 Corpses.

The screams of the dead are sure to continue at 2425 13th Avenue as the county prepares to deposit copious mortal remains into the proposed bodybag bank.

“Honestly, it’s a perfect location for a massive carcass hut,” said county zoning chairman Greg Barnaby. “Given that the building is and has been possessed by an ancient evil for years since it’s been abandoned, nothing should change with the addition of 1,000 corpses.”

Proponents of Black Magic have been picketing the location with crudely-made Bring Out Your Dead signs ever since the screams of the deceased have been mysteriously heard coming from between what used to beΒ the produce section and aisle five.

Architectural bids on this enormous overhaul are being collected as we speak. If you or your company are interested in building a House Of 1,000 Corpses, you are urged to call the Scary Planning and Zoning Commission at 1-900-EAT-DEAD.