Tag Archives: drought

Area Drought Being Blamed On Dry Conditions And ‘Global Drying’

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Experts agree that lack of rain causing drought.

West Fargo, ND – Our new staff droutologist Dr. Rod Guth has just issued his final report on the area drought.

Rod believes that short-term dry conditions coupled with the long-term Global Drying are the two main reasons for the “paucity of moisture” in the upper Midwest region.

Dr. Guth in his own words: “An earthly dearth of water seems to be because of dry conditions brought about by macro-desiccation from Global Drying.”

We asked Dr. Rod Guth: “Just how dry is it?“

It is so dry that fish are carrying canteens!
It is so dry that cows are giving evaporated milk!
It is so dry that watermelon are the size of baseballs!
It is so dry that they’ve had to close two lanes at the swimming pool!

Ironically, all the letters in Rod Guth can be rearranged to spell: Drought!

California Drought To Be Quickly Replaced By Giant Mudslides

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If you pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too.

Rio Linda, CA – The Good News is that the California drought will soon be over. The Bad News is that the state will soon be one gigantic mudslide. Climatologists at our FMObserver headquarters now believe that California will no longer exist as we currently know it. Within about two wet weeks, the Golden State will go from a D-4 Exceptionally Extreme Drought to an MS-4 which is Mudslide Max. The main course served at all restaurants in California will soon be Mud Pie. Instead of being a stick-in-the-mud, people will be a-stuck-in-the-mud. Once all the rain clouds finally move through, the skies will be as clear as mud. Whatever it says on your mailbox now, after it’s all over, your name is mud. James Taylor will be singing your new state song: Mud Slide Slim. But, hay, don’t forget to remember the Good News: At least your D-4 drought is over!

Drought-Stricken California Looking To Dip Into Swimming Pools

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You never miss the water till the well runs dry.

Drytown, CA – As California continues to suffer from its worst drought since their last bad drought, the California Water Authority is searching for ways to deal with the problem.

It’s so dry in California that the only way to do laundry is by bringing it to the dry cleaners.

The California Water Authority is considering using all public and private swimming pools as a major source of water.

Just in the greater Los Angeles area, there are at least 50,000 swimming pools with an average of 18,000 gallons of water per pool.

Jasmine Cogbill who heads up the California Water Authority says: “That alone would provide about 900 million gallons of water. Just imagine if we used water from swimming pools in the entire state of California.”

Some private swimming pool owners claim that the idea is half-baked. Jasmine Cogbill says to that: “Oh no, it’s fully baked!”