Tag Archives: fargo theater

Iconic Downtown Fargo Theater To Be Converted Into Condos

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The Fargo Theater sign will happily remain but the theater will sadly become condos.

Fargo, ND – The famous Fargo Theater in Downtown Fargo will soon be turned into unique upper-floor condos while the valuable ground level space will serve as much-needed parking for its residents.

The iconic Fargo sign and the large theater marquee, which have recently become the symbol for the City of Fargo, will remain as a historical reminder of its past glory.

“Because of Netflix, people just don’t go out to see a movie like in the old days,” says Dr. Sagendorf Toothacre who is heading up this somewhat controversial transitional downtown project.

Dr. Toochacre says many of the items from the old theater will be auctioned off or somehow recycled.

The organ pipes will be turned into different sized bird houses, while the beautiful stage curtains will be made into couch pillows and sold at auction to raise money for Global Warming.

Ironically, all of the letters in Sagendorf Toothacre can be converted into: Fargo Theater Condos!

City Council Rejects Counter-Terrorism Proposal

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downtown-fargo-street-scene-1

     “Turret On The Roof” starring Bette Middler. Not coming to a theater near you.

Fargo, ND – In the wake of the San Bernadino attack, Fargo city council members tossed around some rather extreme counter-terrorism tactics. 

Among those ideas discussed:

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Counter-terrorism TANK

  • Tank patrol
  • Erect a big Incredible Hulk statue in front of Dempsey’s
  • Arm the homeless
  • Vacate downtown Fargo completely
  • Build a wall

The only considerable plan came from ambitious consulting firm Merryweather Security. They proposed that the city install a loaded machine gun turret on top of the Fargo Theater sign in an effort to discourage and/or swiftly eradicate illegal activity.

This proposal was bandied about, discussed at length, met with deep levels of concern and just today, finally rejected by the council.

Alternatively, South Fargo convenience store owners are said to be consulting with Merryweather independently. These owners seek drastic measures to reduce the amount of armed robberies taking place on their property.

Sir Elton John Is Buying The Fargo Theater

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Sir Elton John is the proud new owner of the famous Fargo Theater.

Sir Elton John is the proud new owner of the famous Fargo Theater.

Old Windsor, Berkshire – Through our London branch office, the FM Observer has just learned that Sir Elton John is purchasing the Fargo Theater.

FMO: Mr. John, why did you want to buy the Fargo Theater, of all places?

Sir Elton John: Well, actually, it has long been on my bucket list, to own the Fargo Theater. We all thought it was a bloody good fit, a win-win, if you will? Plus, I loved the movie Fargo, and the wood chipper, and all that. And also, my accountants said this would be a great tax write-off!

FMO: Will you be doing any performances in Fargo, at your newly acquired concert venue?

Sir Elton John: That is a very likely scenario and we’ll have more exciting things to say about that in coming months! Right now, I’d just like to say, thank you to all the friendly people of Fargo, for welcoming me into your community, and for allowing me to own such a famous landmark, which will forever after be known as: Sir Elton John’s Fargo Theater, for tax purposes.