Tag Archives: italy

The Pope Is Encouraging Catholics To Read The Back Of The Bible

Don’t forget to read the back of The Bible.

Vaticano, Italy – After first decreeing that there is no hell to worry about, now in a rather bold move, Pope Francis (aka Jorge Bergoglio) is telling all his sinful Catholic followers to read the back of the Bible.

The Pope’s own words, which were immediately translated into forty languages:

“Once you finish reading the Bible from front to back, then take time to also read the back of the Bible, as I often do, while letting The Holy Spirit speak to you.”

Pope Francis, while channeling God’s message, also mentioned that the back of The Bible is way after the bibliography, which should also be read, and then reflected upon while sipping some wine.

Another additional tip mentioned in The Vatican Magazine is when reading The Bible, one can glean additional secret messages from God by reading between the lines, and also by using The Bible as a pillow whilst one sleepeth.

Some Religious Groups Demanding Statue Of David Wear Some Clothes

Many devoutly religious people are quite offended by Michelangelo’s David being totally buck naked.

Florence, South Dakota – Many religious groups are now demanding that all statues of David be “properly clothed” so as to not offend onlookers.

Leo Gleichman, after seeing David, commented: “Perhaps this would’ve been OK back when times were different, but in today’s society, this is just plain offensive.”

Loli McGeehan, who couldn’t leave the statue of David fast enough, barked: “I haven’t been this offended since the first slow dance at my high school prom!”

Ameen Coghill strongly thinks: “This statue should either be draped with large curtains, or immediately removed and destroyed.”

Alice Engholm, who thought she had seen it all, noted: “The statue of David is very large, but why does he have to be so fracking naked? Someone needs to get that boy some clothes!”

Ironically, the letters in the names of all the people we interviewed can be re-arranged to spell: Michelangelo!