Tag Archives: soap opera

“Days Of Our Lives” Soap Opera Being Replaced By Another Called “Endless Impeachment”

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Endless Impeachment will now be taking the place of Days of Our Lives

Washington, DC – Sadly, the long-running soap opera Days Of Our Lives which began in 1965 will soon be terminating due to lack of interest.

However, in its place will be another long-running soap opera called Endless Impeachment which does not suffer from a lack of interest.

Unlike Days Of Our Lives which was an hour-long show just on week days, Endless Impeachment will run 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

President Trump tweeted that he is looking forward to watching Endless Impeachment when he isn’t busy golfing, but thinks the show should instead be called Creatures From The Swamp!

Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Is Complete

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

Fargo, ND – There was never a doubt in our minds that in some zany alternate universe, Fargo would have its own televised daytime drama. That suspicion has nearly come to fruition with the completion of our pilot episode. Just as soon as the rest of the episodes are written, we will begin a massive casting call. Line up for it!

Now, for the conclusion of episode one:

F Mob Server Productions, 2017

FARGO FAMILY

“Pilot”

SCENE 7. CONRAD.

FADE IN TO CONRAD DRIVING:

(Conrad is behind the wheel of his Dodge RAM Super Duty, cruising westbound down main avenue. AM 1100 plays very loudly on radio; Rush Limbaugh is talking.)

(Conrad stops at stoplight, digs in fanny pack, pulls out smartphone. Holds 2 for speed dial, puts on speakerphone then places phone on passenger seat. Rings, then an automated voice “thank you for calling the Rush Limbaugh Show on Premiere Radio Network”)

CONRAD: (impatiently) COME on, RUSHMEISTER…

(suddenly Beatris’s number rings in on call waiting. *beep beep*)

CONRAD: (looks over, groans) NO, no no no NO, Bea! (stoplight turns green, Conrad fails to notice. He grabs the phone frantically trying to cancel Beatris’s inbound call. A horn honks from behind) 

CONRAD: Damn it! SHUT up, liberal troll!! Rachael Maddow! (Conrad tosses phone back onto passenger seat, slams on gas pedal, all 4 wheels spin out on icy road, truck begins to fishtail a bit. Meanwhile Conrad doesn’t realize he accidentally answered Beatris’s call while speakerphone still engaged.)

BEATRIS: (via phone) Conrad?? CONRAD, Jesus, what’s happening??

CONRAD: (surprised) Rush? RUSH?? Am I on?? Long time listener, huge fan! Hey Rush, do you think Jodie Foster is part alien? I mean, if you look at the shape of her head–

BEATRIS: (interrupts Conrad) Conrad. CONRAD. It’s me. Your WIFE. Hellloooooooooo???

CONRAD: (hears her now) Aw, damn it, Bea! (slaps phone to attempt a hang up while driving, fails, keeps slapping with open hand, slapping, slapping…)

CUT SCENE FADE

SCENE 8. STANLEY.

FADE IN TO STANLEY ON THE PHONE WITH KINGSLEY:

STANLEY: (listening intently) Margie? Ok… I spose, then. I’ll head up there, ya.

(camera pans the interior of Stanley’s trailer, it is littered with numerous trinkets and gadgets. He hangs up the phone, begins tinkering with a doodad. Camera pans to front window covered in tinfoil, no light gets inside or out. Stanley puts down the doodad and turns up HAM radio, it blares a weak signal. He fumbles with the knobs, suddenly a voice is heard.)

VOICE: (amidst static)…can hear this, this is Vern Milton; it is October, the year is 2048. Testing, testing, signal…anyone?

STANLEY: (excitedly) Hello? Who is Vern? This is Stanley! I read ya, you betcha!

VOICE: (amidst static) Huzzah! Stanley, is it? I’m Vern and I’ve been traveling through time for years and years. What time are you, stranger?

STANLEY: Oh, wow! This is 2017, doncha know! What are ya up to, there?

VOICE: Fella, I’ve seen too much to even begin explaining. (static increases) My travels through time have made me incredibly weary. (more static now) A word of warning…(static)…global warming…(static)…polar icecaps…(static)…ocean…(static)…nuclear meltdown…

(Stanley aggressively twisting HAM radio knobs)

VOICE: (inaudible)…oil…(static) Bakken shale…(static)..stop…(static)…carbon footprint…

(the voice fades away into unending static feedback)

STANLEY: (unable to hear the voice any longer) Ah, dangit, Vern! Vern! Dangit anyway!

FADE OUT.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL ABOUT BLOATING RELIEF.

SCENE 9. HOSPITAL.

FADE IN TO ICU:

(We see Kingsley glaring at Dr. Never as he stands over an ailing Margareet)

KINGSLEY: (pensive) Well, heck, what’re ya doin’ here, doctor?

DR. NEVER: (stoic) I’m a doctor, Kingsley. I work here.

KINGSLEY: (accusingly) Ya, doncha. Well I saw ya touchin’ my wife there in a manner not real like a doctor should be touchin’ a patient, there you betcha.

DR. NEVER: (ignores Kingsley’s accusation) Your wife is very ill. She needs medical attention. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

(tries to leave but Kingsley stands in his way)

KINGSLEY: (stammering) Oh really now? Ya, I saw what I saw there, now, doctor, so…

DR. NEVER: (urgently) Excuse me, Kingsley, or i’ll do to you what I did to your daughter Trix after she OD’d on hand sanitizer…

KINGSLEY: (anger rising) Are ya threatenin’ me, there, you betcha??

(Dr. Never pushes his way past Kingsley, leaves)

(Kingsley huffs at the encounter with Dr. Never, rushes to Margareet. She is unconscious)

KINGSLEY: (sadly) Ah, dangit, Margie. Dangit, then, ya know. Somethin’ better not be goin’ on with the doctor there, you betcha…

(we see tears begin to form in Kingsley’s eyes, cut to Margareet opening hers)

DRAMATIC MUSIC

FADE TO BLACK. ROLL CREDITS OVER THEME MUSIC.

Wow! You can cut the tension with a butter knife. This is just a taste of what this groundbreaking show will be like. Care to star in it? All you need to do is post a convincing comment or send in your resume. Be sure to list your talents, hidden talents, acting experience and whether or not you can cry on command if kicked square in the guts.

Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Continues

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

In case you’ve been living under a rock with a rock on top of it, you are unaware that we’ve been piecing together an exciting new soap opera for Fargo, based in Fargo and with Fargo-ish overtones. Do you want to be in it?

With that, a rough drafted script for the pilot episode of Fargo Family continues…

F Mob Server Productions, 2017

FARGO FAMILY

“Pilot”

SCENE 3. DR. NEVER’S OFFICE.

FADE IN:

(Margareet is shown sitting on Sanford clinic examination room bed, she is looking quite somber. Seconds go by; she pulls Ambien bottle out of her pocket, downs a small handful. She gracefully loses consciousness as bottle falls to floor)

(Dr. Never enters, studying clipboard)

DR. NEVER: …We’ve been over this, Marg, medical cannabis isn’t fully legal yet–(notices the passed out Margareet) OH FOR PETE’S SAKE (accidentally kicks ambien bottle, clamors for it) god damn it (bonks head on Margareet’s knee cap) OW, god DAMN it, Marg! (holds forehead, becoming extremely agitated) NURSE! Patient unconscious, dispatch med team stat!! (silence) NUUUURSE!! And bring an ice pack!! (rubs forehead bruise)

CUT SCENE FADE

SCENE 4. CONRAD.

FADE IN:

(Conrad shown in M&H convenience store in Moorhead, finishing a purchase of Powerball tickets)

CLERK: That’ll be $13.50.

CONRAD: Yeah? For what?? The privilege to suddenly bag a truckload of taxable income? Income that BIG GOVERNMENT will rip their (holds up finger air quotes) fair share (lowers air quotes) of? Trump is going to squash Big Government, you’ll see. Politicians better run and hide.

CLERK: $13.50

(Conrad pulls huge bag of pennies out of fanny pack, drops it flat on counter)

CONRAD: Here. Charge the rest to the NO-bama administration.

CLERK: Charge what? How much is here?

CONRAD: Drain the swamp! Drain the swamp!

CLERK: The hell are you talkin about, bro? $13.50! These pennies? How much are here??

(Clerk begins fervently counting pennies)

(Conrad exits M&H without Powerball tickets or bag of pennies)

FADE OUT.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL ABOUT HERNIA MESH CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.

SCENE 5. SKOOTER.

FADE IN

(Skooter appears in attic fumbling about with wires. He appears to be connecting an electrical circuit to a 3-prong outlet)

(Cut to Kingsley entering house from garage. He drops briefcase onto floor, keys into key dish on end table, heads to the liquor cabinet)

(Cut back to Skooter hearing someone enter the house. He recognizes sound of briefcase and keys, becomes completely silent to avoid being noticed)

(Cut back to Kingsley pouring a highball of scotch, neat. Pulls a sip.)

KINGSLEY: Aaaah, heck, dontcha.

(Kingsley pulls smartphone out of pocket, opens Facebook. We see a Facebook status from Margareet, it reads “Feeling wispy, doctor calling…better not keep him waiting!”)

KINGSLEY: Golly dangit. Marg!? Margie…? (Listens, hears nothing) (Louder now) Maaargie!

(Cut to Skooter again, he’s holding his breath, making no noise whatsoever)

(Cut back to Kingsley searching the house for Margareet. His search is futile, Margareet is not present. Kingsley pulls keys from key dish and leaves)

(Cut back to Skooter, he hears Kingsley leave, he exhales and continues wiring)

CUT SCENE FADE OUT

SCENE 6. HOSPITAL.

FADE IN TO DR. NEVER FOLLOWING MARGAREET BEING WHEELED DOWN HALLWAY ON GURNEY

NURSE: Any idea how many pills were taken?

DR. NEVER: (visibly irritated) Usually she empties what’s left of a bottle. No clue how many were there since she never sticks to my prescribed amount. 

NURSE: Here we go again…

(they continue down hallway into intensive care unit)

(cut to Kingsley pulling up to Sanford hospital parking lot, he parks slanted in handicap spot)

(cut to Kingsley approaching receptionist)

KINGSLEY: (impatiently) Ya, hello there, Paula. Dr. Never in with another patient, you betcha?

RECEPTIONIST: (recognizing a frequent visitor) OK, Kingsley, i’ll call up. (she dials number) Kingsley is here….ok…ok…yes, i’ll tell him. (hangs up phone) Go ahead.

(Kingsley swiftly approaches open elevator, slams repeatedly on button for 3rd floor)

(Cut to ICU where Dr. Never is standing over Margareet as her stomach is being pumped)

DR. NEVER: (softly) If you can hear me, Marg, you better listen. Knock it off. If you crave attention you’re going about it the wrong way…(begins caressing her cheek with latex-gloved hand)

(Kingsley barges in, sees this, they lock eyes)

DRAMATIC MUSIC

FADE TO BLACK

Ooooh! The action is really heating up! Remember, if you want a shot at being a huge local soap star, casting calls are about to begin. Send in your resumé or leave a comment. Please list number of dependents, age of dependents and whether they’re dependent or independent.

Click here for the dramatic conclusion of our Pilot Episode!

Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Exclusive!

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

With all the hubbub over a drama series based on and in our quiet town, we are providing interested parties with a rough draft of opening scenes from the much-anticipated pilot episode of Fargo Family, Fargo’s first and only soap opera scheduled to definitely maybe air:

F Mob Server Productions, 2017

FARGO FAMILY

“Pilot”

SCENE 1. HOMESTEAD.

FADE IN:

(Flapper dressed in greasy overalls cautiously enters Margareet’s kitchen through a halfway-open back patio door, frigid air billowing in)

FLAPPER: Margie? Margie…? You here?

(Margareet stumbles into kitchen holding empty bottle of Boone’s Farm while Dr. Phil drones on in the background)

MARGAREET: (slurring speech, clearly inebriated) OHHH isn’t this a day! Thirty below and a ton of white covers the ground! It’s dream we’re living upon the clouds! I’m–

(Flapper notices Margareet’s unstable mental condition, interrupts her)

FLAPPER: Darling, you’ve got to stop this, doncha know! Dr. Never been coming around again? Keeping company with his devil pills?? Sleeping with Prince Valium at night, I’m sure ya you betcha.

(Flapper turns to leave, Margareet desperately lunges toward him)

MARGAREET: (slurring badly now) Flap, you mustn’t go! The Cadillac has a transvestite leak and I’m low on fluid. (holds up wine bottle) Where’d you have to be?!

(Flapper draws in and lets out a deep sigh of discontent)

FLAPPER: I shouldn’t be comin round no more if for not on business. It isn’t right…(long pause, staring longingly at an anguished Margareet) …but it isn’t wrong if Kingsley gone on office trips all the dang time, dontcha know…

(Flapper embraces Margareet, a long kiss and a slight nudge)

CUT SCENE FADE

SCENE 2. WORK.

FADE IN:

(Kingsley sitting alone in conference room, old wrinkly hand thumbing a cherished ancient Sioux Indian artifact, mumbling to himself. Sunshine/warm weather radiates off skyscrapers through conference room window)

KINGSLEY: Boy, Old K, you’re going to have to do better than that if you want to keep the dang Lexmark account…

(Kingsley’s personal secretary peeks in conference room door, Kingsley notices her)

KINGSLEY: Go the heck away, eh? Now ain’t a great time!

SECRETARY: But, sir, like, Beatris was calling and calling and finally, like, left a message about, like, it being urgent and junk, so, like, I took a message..?

(Secretary’s phrase is uttered in the tone of a question, Kingsley stares blankly at what he believes to be a complete airhead)

KINGSLEY: Well jeez, what was the message about there, Chynthia? You know what? Forget it, eh? I’ll phone her on the bluetooth in the Uber, you betcha. Now beat it, dontcha!

(Kingsley encloses  fist around prized Sioux Indian artifact, fist tightens)

FADE OUT.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL ABOUT OPIOID-INDUCED CONSTIPATION RELIEF.

Exciting, isn’t it? Nothing makes for a better soap opera than terrific acting, a well-designed script and embarrassing commercial interruptions. Do you want to take part in this theatrical endeavor? Leave a comment or email us your resumé including date of birth, place of birth and type of birth.

Click here for PART 2 of our Pilot Episode!

Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

Fargo, ND – Fargo will soon be getting its own soap opera called Fargo Family. It will be based in Fargo, be about Fargo, and all the actors will be from Fargo.

If you or someone you know is an actor or would like to be an actor on a real soap opera, please leave a comment below or email us your resume and also indicate which of the following roles you are interested in:

Fargo Family characters that need to be filled:

1. Kingsley – A treacherous old codger who spent some time in a military prison for acts unbecoming of an officer.
2. Margareet – Kingsley’s wife, the wine-drinking matriarch, who will back stab anyone who turns their back on her.
3. Skooter – Their son who has Attention Deficit Disorder but likes to tinker around with powerful sound equipment.
4. Trix – Their super-popular teen daughter who secretly likes to bully other students on Facebook.
5. Flapper – Their mechanic friend that is also into gambling to the point where it’s causing him some serious problems.
6. Dr. Never – An internal medicine doctor who is also the family’s main supplier of prescription pharmaceutical drugs.
7. The Bopster – Trix’s boyfriend who also wants to start his own modeling agency.
8. Stanley – Margareet’s inventive brother who lives on the wrong side of the tracks.
9. Lulu May – A free-spirited floozy willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.
10. Xang Xou – A table tennis instructor with whom many share deep personal secrets because he doesn’t speak English good.
11. Beatris – Kingsley’s sister who is a pessimistic liberal currently unhappy about pretty much everything.
12. Conrad – Husband of Beatris who wants to help make America great again while making a lucrative profit.

Not only will all the actors be selected from the Fargo area, the general plot ideas, spoken lines of dialogue, accompanying music, theme song, costumes, hairstyles, and makeup will all be done by Fargoans. This will be a community effort and creation of which we all can hopefully be proud.

You are urged to have courageous curiosity on the direction Fargo Family is going. Remember, we are all a part of the Fargo Family!

Click here to read the script!