In case you’ve been living under a rock with a rock on top of it, you are unaware that we’ve been piecing together an exciting new soap opera for Fargo, based in Fargo and with Fargo-ish overtones. Do you want to be in it?
With that, a rough drafted script for the pilot episode of Fargo Family continues…
F Mob Server Productions, 2017
SCENE 3. DR. NEVER’S OFFICE.
(Margareet is shown sitting on Sanford clinic examination room bed, she is looking quite somber. Seconds go by; she pulls Ambien bottle out of her pocket, downs a small handful. She gracefully loses consciousness as bottle falls to floor)
(Dr. Never enters, studying clipboard)
DR. NEVER: …We’ve been over this, Marg, medical cannabis isn’t fully legal yet–(notices the passed out Margareet) OH FOR PETE’S SAKE (accidentally kicks ambien bottle, clamors for it) god damn it (bonks head on Margareet’s knee cap) OW, god DAMN it, Marg! (holds forehead, becoming extremely agitated) NURSE! Patient unconscious, dispatch med team stat!! (silence) NUUUURSE!! And bring an ice pack!! (rubs forehead bruise)
CUT SCENE FADE
SCENE 4. CONRAD.
(Conrad shown in M&H convenience store in Moorhead, finishing a purchase of Powerball tickets)
CLERK: That’ll be $13.50.
CONRAD: Yeah? For what?? The privilege to suddenly bag a truckload of taxable income? Income that BIG GOVERNMENT will rip their (holds up finger air quotes) fair share (lowers air quotes) of? Trump is going to squash Big Government, you’ll see. Politicians better run and hide.
(Conrad pulls huge bag of pennies out of fanny pack, drops it flat on counter)
CONRAD: Here. Charge the rest to the NO-bama administration.
CLERK: Charge what? How much is here?
CONRAD: Drain the swamp! Drain the swamp!
CLERK: The hell are you talkin about, bro? $13.50! These pennies? How much are here??
(Clerk begins fervently counting pennies)
(Conrad exits M&H without Powerball tickets or bag of pennies)
CUT TO COMMERCIAL ABOUT HERNIA MESH CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.
SCENE 5. SKOOTER.
(Skooter appears in attic fumbling about with wires. He appears to be connecting an electrical circuit to a 3-prong outlet)
(Cut to Kingsley entering house from garage. He drops briefcase onto floor, keys into key dish on end table, heads to the liquor cabinet)
(Cut back to Skooter hearing someone enter the house. He recognizes sound of briefcase and keys, becomes completely silent to avoid being noticed)
(Cut back to Kingsley pouring a highball of scotch, neat. Pulls a sip.)
KINGSLEY: Aaaah, heck, dontcha.
(Kingsley pulls smartphone out of pocket, opens Facebook. We see a Facebook status from Margareet, it reads “Feeling wispy, doctor calling…better not keep him waiting!”)
KINGSLEY: Golly dangit. Marg!? Margie…? (Listens, hears nothing) (Louder now) Maaargie!
(Cut to Skooter again, he’s holding his breath, making no noise whatsoever)
(Cut back to Kingsley searching the house for Margareet. His search is futile, Margareet is not present. Kingsley pulls keys from key dish and leaves)
(Cut back to Skooter, he hears Kingsley leave, he exhales and continues wiring)
CUT SCENE FADE OUT
SCENE 6. HOSPITAL.
FADE IN TO DR. NEVER FOLLOWING MARGAREET BEING WHEELED DOWN HALLWAY ON GURNEY
NURSE: Any idea how many pills were taken?
DR. NEVER: (visibly irritated) Usually she empties what’s left of a bottle. No clue how many were there since she never sticks to my prescribed amount.
NURSE: Here we go again…
(they continue down hallway into intensive care unit)
(cut to Kingsley pulling up to Sanford hospital parking lot, he parks slanted in handicap spot)
(cut to Kingsley approaching receptionist)
KINGSLEY: (impatiently) Ya, hello there, Paula. Dr. Never in with another patient, you betcha?
RECEPTIONIST: (recognizing a frequent visitor) OK, Kingsley, i’ll call up. (she dials number) Kingsley is here….ok…ok…yes, i’ll tell him. (hangs up phone) Go ahead.
(Kingsley swiftly approaches open elevator, slams repeatedly on button for 3rd floor)
(Cut to ICU where Dr. Never is standing over Margareet as her stomach is being pumped)
DR. NEVER: (softly) If you can hear me, Marg, you better listen. Knock it off. If you crave attention you’re going about it the wrong way…(begins caressing her cheek with latex-gloved hand)
(Kingsley barges in, sees this, they lock eyes)
FADE TO BLACK
Ooooh! The action is really heating up! Remember, if you want a shot at being a huge local soap star, casting calls are about to begin. Send in your resumé or leave a comment. Please list number of dependents, age of dependents and whether they’re dependent or independent.