Tag Archives: supreme court justice

Chief Justice John Roberts Swears Himself In During Rare Senate Moment

A rare moment in history sees Chief Justice Roberts swearing in himself.

Washington, DC – Before swearing in all the members of the Senate for the impeachment trial of President Trump, Chief Justice John Roberts had to first swear in himself according to some archaic constitutional protocols.

Justice Roberts #1: Will you place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand?

Justice Roberts #2: Will you place your right hand on the Bible and raise your left hand?

Justice Roberts #1: “Do you solemnly swear that in all things appertaining to the trial of the impeachment of President Donald John Trump, president of United States, now pending, you will do impartial justice according to the Constitution and laws, so help you God?”

Justice Roberts #2: “I sure do…so help me God.”

Then, both Justice Roberts #1 and Justice Roberts #2 together administered the exact same oath to all one hundred senators, who will act as the jury in the impeachment trial of President Trump, so help us God!

Obama Threatens To Block Senate’s Block Of Supreme Court Justice Nominee

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Washington, DC – President Obama has vowed to find a qualified candidate to nominate for Supreme Court Justice. The speculation is that that candidate will be anti-anti-liberal. This does not sit well with the Republican-controlled Senate. They have stated that they will seek to block this nomination. That does not sit well with Obama. It sits so unwell, in fact, that Obama is ready to destroy the entire universe in order to get his way.

President Obama says he’s threatening to block the Senate’s block.

“The Senate says they will block my justice nomination. Well, if they do…ah… I’ll block that block. This is not good. Everyone knows that… ah…when you type ‘Google’ into Google, you can… ah… break the internet. Similar thing going on here. This type of action causes paradoxical duality….ah…which then catosphates a rift in the space time continuum resulting in… ah…the impenetrable quickening of antimatter. So, you see… ah… you should never double do something. But if I’m forced to…ah.. execute my constitutional right of appointment that which the Senate then blocks … ah… I’ll have to block that. So, folks…ah…start wearin’ your hard hats.”

Bictor Tedhanger

Bictor Tedhanger

Many in the quantum physics community are calling this potential block-block a serious threat to the very fabric of space time.

University of Organical Physicology Professor Bictor Tedhanger fears the worst. “If the President follows through on this block-block, what he says is very much accurate: paradoxical duality followed by an impenetrable quickening. This would be incredibly damaging to our atoms. Your body and mine would spontaneously molt from the inside out in the time it takes to extract candy from a baby hand.”

It would seem that Obama will stop at nothing to nominate his coveted Justice. Will Biden be able to talk some sense into him? If our guts implode between now and the end of Obama’s term, then that answer is probably no.

Who Should Obama Nominate As Supreme Court Justice? An FM Observer Investigative Report

With the unfortunate passing of Justice Antonin Scalia, Obama is now met with another opportunity to nominate one respected, authoritative, experienced, judgmental individual to the United States Supreme Court.

Who will he pick? One can only speculate. Who should he pick? Well, how bout we throw a few names around and see what sticks:

David Petraeus


Stern with cases?

Former CIA Director, Military General, Medal of Merit recipient. The man has pedigree (alleged sex scandal notwithstanding). Maybe Obama could name him Supreme Court General.

Supreme Leader Snoke

Qualified because already supreme.

Qualified because already supreme.

With experience as a Supreme Leader, Snoke can utilize the powers of the Dark Side to restore balance to the galaxy judicial system.

Al Gore



Former VP and current climate change advocate Algore would make for a key addition. You just know Obama is going to want to push through some global cooling bills before his term is up.

Making A Murderer’s Ken Kratz

Would get kicked out of the Supreme Court faster than Steven Avery went back to jail

Would get kicked out of the Supreme Court faster than Steven Avery went back to jail.

The sneaky prosecutor from the famous Netflix docu-series Making A Murderer, Kratz is about as crooked as Hillary’s email server. Will that deter Obama from naming him Justice? Will it?

Janet Reno


Justice stands tall.

That killer instinct held at bay for over a decade, Former US Attorney General Janet Reno has been waiting quietly in the shadows since her retirement from politics in 2003. Reno will stand tall, wielding an impressively long arm of justice for years to come.

Should anyone else be considered for this prestigious nomination? Will you put your nomination suggestions in the comment section below? Only time will tell.