A rare moment in history sees Chief Justice Roberts swearing in himself.
Washington, DC – Before swearing in all the members of the Senate for the impeachment trial of President Trump, Chief Justice John Roberts had to first swear in himself according to some archaic constitutional protocols.
Justice Roberts #1: Will you place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand?
Justice Roberts #2: Will you place your right hand on the Bible and raise your left hand?
Justice Roberts #1: “Do you solemnly swear that in all things appertaining to the trial of the impeachment of President Donald John Trump, president of United States, now pending, you will do impartial justice according to the Constitution and laws, so help you God?”
Justice Roberts #2: “I sure do…so help me God.”
Then, both Justice Roberts #1 and Justice Roberts #2 together administered the exact same oath to all one hundred senators, who will act as the jury in the impeachment trial of President Trump, so help us God!
While the moon is waxing and waning, it is never complaining. –Anthony Weiner
Cooper, TX – History was made last night when Anderson Pooper swore 81 times on an hour long prime-time show.
After Anderson decided to say “shit-hole” once, the dam had been broken, and it and variations of it were said another eighty times during his show AC360.
“Yes, it was all in response to what President Trump said earlier in the day, but that was supposedly in the privacy of the President’s White House,” says Dr. Seth Hilo, who is very smart.
Dr. Seth Hilo goes on: “What Anderson Pooper and his guests were saying was on televisions in every airport and family dining room across America.”
As for President Trump, the White House has issued this official correction: “What the President meant to say was that Haiti and all of Africa are not shit-holes, like where Oprah lives in California.”
Ironically, all of the letters in Seth Hilo can be re-arranged to spell…
I shit you not! That bitch Hillary is the one who was fucking colluding with the goddamn Russians!
Washington, DC – President Trump, in an effort to quickly increase how honest he is perceived, will not only start swearing more in his public comments and tweets, but will also encourage his entire fucking Cabinet to all start using a lot more profanity in their day to day work lives.
The President is also going to have his whole family practice swearing by playing the amazing game called Add-On Swear Word which was first introduced on the FM Observer award-winning website.
“To create a more honest country, I strongly fucking urge all Americans to swear more by playing FMO’s Add-On Swear Word game on a daily basis.”
Barron Trump, the President’s youngest son, was overheard in the White House saying: “I love this shit. This is going to be fucking great!”
The 1st person says a swear word. The 2nd person says the 1st swear word and adds a 2nd swear word. The 3rd person has to say all the previous swear words and then add another one, and so on and so forth. It’s fun, for the whole fucking family!
Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is rolling out a new family-fun game just in time for the fucking holidays. It’s called Add-On Swear Word!
One brave family member simply starts it off by saying a swear word out loud.
Taking turns going clockwise, each next person has to say all the previous swear words in order from first to last, and then add another swear word to the end of the fucking list.
As the list gets longer and longer, this game is sure to bring your family closer together during the blessed holiday season.
Add-On Swear Word has also been shown to increase the vocabulary of the younger generations while being a good memory exercise for those with mild or severe dementia.
Fargo, ND – An area 4th-grader was recently denied the privilege of dessert after his mother overheard him voice his disapproval of dinner. The boy, said by his mother to have been watching an “inappropriate movie” with his father, is alleged to have called dinner “cold and shitty by the time we all sat down to eat”. The mother, upon hearing the child mutter these profanities under his breath, immediately sent the child to his room which, in turn, revoked his privilege of dessert that the rest of the family was able to indulge in. The Observer caught up with the boy to get his side of the story:
“Liver and onions is fucking shitty and I hate it, so…”
The lesson learned here is simple: avoid liver and onions at all costs, even if it costs you dessert.