Tag Archives: taxicology

Biden Wins Dem Debate By Focusing On Clipping Coupons In The Stock Market

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Old Joe Biden knows about clipping coupons in the stock market.

Westerville, Ohio – Almost everyone agrees that former Vice President Joe Biden won the 4th Democrat debate which was held in the iconic suburb of Westerville, Ohio.

Here is the key moment when former VP Joe Biden cleverly won the debate:

CNN MODERATOR ERIN BURNETT: Vice President Biden, you have warned against demonizing rich people.

Do you believe that Senator Sanders and Senator Warren’s wealth tax plans do that?

JOE BIDEN: No, look, demonizing wealth, what I talked about is how you get things done.

And the way to get things done is take a look at the tax code right now.

The idea, we have to start rewarding work, not just wealth.

I would eliminate the capital gains tax.

I would raise the capital gains tax to the highest rate, of 39.5 percent.

I would double it, because guess what?

Why in God’s name should someone who’s clipping coupons in the stock market make, in fact, pay a lower tax rate than someone who, in fact, is, like I said, the, a schoolteacher and a firefighter? It’s ridiculous. And they pay a lower tax!

Fargo Approves Funding For “Perv Park” Where Area Pervs Can Gather

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Fargo’s new Perv Park will be a gathering spot for area pervs to meet and greet others of their same ilk.

Fargo, ND – A somewhat controversial decision by the Fargo Park Authority is raising a few eyebrows.

Funding has recently been granted to create a so–called Perv Park.

This would be an area explicitly for local pervs to congregate and share stories, interests, and fears.

Some people against the idea wonder why tax dollars need to be spent on creating a special park just for pervs.

Those in favor of it say that there is a time and a place for everything according to timelines, budgets, interests, and votes.

How do you feel about Fargo creating a Perv Park?

Do you think having a park just for pervs is a good idea?

Can you think of something that would be more deserving of Fargo’s tax money?

Jimmy Kimmel Being Investigated For Using Unlicensed Monkey To Prepare His Taxes

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Jimmy Kimmel’s attorney allegedly paid this monkey $130,000 to prepare Jimmy Kimmel’s tax return.

Hollywood, CA – Comedy King Jimmy Kimmel, who once claimed that he used a dog to prepare his tax return, has now been told he’s being investigated for allegedly using an unlicensed monkey to do his tax work.

Tax auditors admit the monkey is a hard worker and has built quite the monkey business; basically, whenever there’s work to be done, if monkey see it, monkey do it.

Mr. Kimmel is trying to defend his actions by claiming the monkey is considered family, as Kimmel is supposedly the monkey’s uncle.

Fargo To Host 55th Annual National Taxicology Conference

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Exciting speakers energize attendees at the Annual National Taxicology Conference!

Fargo, ND – Fargo will soon be home to the 55th Annual National Taxicology Conference.

Taxicologists from all across the country will descend upon Fargo to learn the latest about everything in the world of Taxicology!

As you know, Taxicology is the study of the adverse effects that occur in living humanoids due to overly-burdensome taxation.

The build-up of too much taxation from every level of government plus all the various sales taxes can almost act like a poison on a person’s financial well-being.

Conference attendees will learn about: Taxic Shock Syndrome, Botax, how to help clients go through Detax, and various ways to deal with those nasty Taxic Headaches.

Taxicologists are also quite well-known for enjoying some serious intaxicating conversations during their Happy Hour “Caring & Sharing” sessions, which are often followed by making a splash in the pool.