Alarmists Say Rising Spring Temps Evidence Of Global Warming

March 15th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Temperatures are on the rise due to Spring global warming.

Temperatures are on the rise due to Spring global warming.

Globe Village, MA – Global Warmers are pointing to rising temperatures in the northern hemisphere as proof positive of deadly Global Warming.

What about the southern hemisphere?

Dr. Julian Zellus of the Global Warming Alarm Centre (GWAC) answers: “No, we are only talking about above the equator, for now. And what we are seeing is a rapid increase in average temperatures. We believe this is quite indicative of a very serious Global Warming problem caused by a build-up of toxic carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.”

Unverified statistics coming out of GWAC show there can be no denying that temperatures are on the rise. Numbers strongly indicate that after a record cold winter, the average temperatures across the country are shooting up an astounding 20-30 degrees in just one month. Dr. Zellus nervously suspects: “As the snow melts due to sudden rising temperatures, water levels will begin to rise in lakes and oceans, just as we’ve been predicting.”

What can be done to stop the pending total destruction of the world?

The Global Warming Alarm Centre is pushing for the creation of a hefty new world-wide Global Warming tax. All proceeds from this tax would go directly to GWAC to study this critical problem. But first, they would have to build their posh new Super Center Alarm Megaplex (or SCAM) which will have its own private airport: The Albert Gore Jr. International Global Warming Airport.


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)