Downtown Business Owners Looking to Curb Curb-Vomit

October 23rd, 2014 | by Nick

no_puking_320The prevalence of vomit on city sidewalks has locals concerned.

Fargo, ND—In case you haven’t been downtown lately, or have been downtown but have not yet encountered a lurching pile of partially-digested filth on the sidewalk, the walk down Broadway is facing an issue that it would like to curb….or UN-curb, permanently. There’s an ongoing problem of vomit on downtown-area sidewalks.

Sidewalk hurler Gnaph Lurchfellow makes no bones about it: “I walk by Sweeto at 2 a.m. after bar close…what am I supposed to do? NOT buy a burrito, crush it, then throw it and the fourteen irish carbombs I slammed earlier up??”

Whose fault is it? Bars and restaurants are quick to deflect blame. “Nobody’s forcing that Sweeto Burrito down your throat and back out again,” says Sweeto cashier Dovio Flexano.

“We serve alcohol. Too much of that stuff can make you sick. We reserve the right to refuse service to those who look barfy,” says Rooters bartender Xyler Moleyhorse. “Once they leave the front doors, there’s not much else we can do.”

NO VOMITING signs are to be strategically placed next to the NO FORNICATING and NO MICTURATING signs on area street corners until this issue is both curbed and un-curbed, for good.


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Nick

Co-Founder at FM Observer
Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.