Fargo Man Rescued From Toilet

March 27th, 2014 | by Bill Burns

Fargo, ND – You heard it here first folks.  A local Fargo resident was rescued from his toilet late last night.

Late last night at around 10 p.m, the Fargo police department received a call about a missing person.  Brent had stated that he had not seen his neighbor in over three days and was very concerned.  This prompted police to visit the neighbor’s home.

After arriving, police knocked on the door multiple times but with no response. One officer was walking to the back of the home when he thought he heard someone from inside say “please.”

With that knowledge, police rammed down the front door.  Upon immediately entering, the officers heard a man say calmy, “For the love of hippopotamus dicks….can you pleeeeease get me some toilet paper?”

Officers were stunned.  It seems the neighbor, named Jim, had been trapped on the toilet seat for three entire days because he ran out of toilet paper and refused to get up.

When asked why he didn’t just get up and get something to wipe, he simply stated, “Ew.”

Today, Jim is happy. He’s thankful to the officers for saving his life.

“If it wasn’t for those kind and sweet officers, I’d probably be dead.  Be dead or still sitting on that toilet seat.” – Jim

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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.