Government Takes More Money Out of My Paycheck and Why I’m Celebrating

January 2nd, 2013 | by Cody Marthaller

Spend My Money Wisely GovernmentMy paycheck is about to take a hit in the year 2013.  The fiscal cliff deal finally went through.  What does that mean?  Well, there are a lot of things but the one thing that effects me is the extra money that will be taken out of my paycheck.

Since the fiscal cliff deal passed, wage earners will now pay a 6.2% payroll tax.  Previously there was a 2 year plan in play where we all enjoyed a 4.2%.  Now that party is over and I’m hungover.  There are more taxes coming for the rich.  I’m not rich but if I were I’d still approve of the government taking more and more of my money.

You would think that I’m mad, angry, or bitter.  Well, I’m not.  The party didn’t end for me.  I’m going to continue to rock it out.  You see, I enjoy the government taking more money out of my paycheck.

Everyday I wish the government could take even more money out of my paycheck.  I wish I could live, work, and breathe everyday for the government.  I don’t trust myself with money.  In fact just yesterday I bought a foot tanner.  Why?  Why the hell not?  Last week I went into the dollar store and bought 50 different items simply because they were only a dollar.  Now I don’t know what to do with the stuff.  Those things are just sitting in a pile in my living room.  I’ll probably throw them away next month when I get sick of looking at them, then go buy more stuff at the dollar store for the hell of it.

I live the American dream and it’s America baby!  I definitely feel and trust that the government can spend my money better then I can.  They have many good quality programs that they give my money to.  For example, spending $744,000 for a new soccer field at Guantanamo Bay.  That’s legit.  It’s better than a foot tanner.  Every individual should get puffy cotton robes to relax in after a shower as well.  Or how about the $2.6 billion federal agencies spend on printing.  It’s pretty obvious the government hates trees.  Everyday I bet those employees get into the office and say to themselves, “Trees suck!  I’m going to test print like 50 pages today!  Fuck trees!”  I can get behind that.  Trees are worthless.  We don’t need them.  It’s money better spent than me wasting 50 dollars on 50 useless dollar store items.

I don’t like being responsible and I like slaving away everyday at a middle class job so other people have more money to spend.  More money being my money.  It’s fantastic.  I’m doing a good deed and surely raking up the karma points.  Karma points I myself can spend on things even though karma is imaginary.

That is why I say TAX ME MORE.

How about you?  Do you like others spending your money?  Are you going to continue to party in 2013 like me?

 


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Cody Marthaller

I'm biologically human. Full-Time Superhero. Part-Time Human.