Janitor Charged With Fondling Church Organ

June 10th, 2014 | by Johnnny
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Forgiven but not forgotten.

Moorhead, MN – Unhappy church officials at the House Of God Inc. are investigating an alleged fondling of their church organ.

A man who had apparently dressed himself up to look like the church janitor was caught groping and fondling the large organ in the main church sanctuary.

The man, whose name is Peter Sexmeyer, was later discovered to be a level two sex offender who was also being sought in both Texas and Colorado for similar assaults on other smaller church organs.

Church president Mrs. Valerie Clankster said on behalf of their stunned congregation: “I think it’s very creepy that someone would do such a thing in our beloved church. It feels like our worship space has been violated. It will be hard to forgive this lewd and sinful act because now, whenever we sing our hymns, we’ll be thinking of that fricking pervert having sex with our big organ.”

Will this church congregation ever get past this salacious incident? Probably.

Will this church organ ever be the same? Probably not.

Will this sexoholic pseudo janitor get prison time for this organic act? Maybe not.

Should you be on the lookout for sex-crimes against your church organ? Maybe yes.


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)