Justin Beaver Pleads Drunk To All Charges

January 24th, 2014 | by Johnnny
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Justin Beaver blames alcohol and an inner psychotic demon on all of his troubles.

Beaver Hills, CA – To the charges of driving his Lamborghini under the influence of alcohol, Justin Beaver pleaded Drunk to all of the charges.

While in court, the Beav explained to the judge in the case that it was not his fault for high-speed drag racing with the cops who were trying to arrest him. J.B. blamed alcohol for impairing his better judgment.

His team of attorneys is planning on filing a large lawsuit against the Jim Beam company for making their young and innocent client so damn drunk.

Once out of court, Mr. Beaver blamed the law enforcement officers on his troubles with the law. “If they would just stop following me around, trying to get an autograph for their wives, maybe I could have a little fun, and actually try to get something done around here, d’ya know what I’m saying?”, he ranted.

Justin’s psycho-therapist blames the troubles on a nasty internal demon for all of the acting out and the blaming of others.

Dr. Sheila Bunz believes that “a priest may be needed to exorcise this psycho-demon from the man-boy’s soul.”

To this, Justin Beaver snapped back: “Hey, I love to exercise! Just let me have a few drinks, before I start to get all pumped up, d’ya know what I’m saying? Yeah, like gimmy a frickin’ drink, or you’re frickin’ fired, bitch!”


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)