Lunatics Banned From Washington DC

January 13th, 2013 | by Johnnny
HARREIDpx1

Former pugilist Hairy Reid

Washington, DC – Back in December of 2012, Congress temporarily set aside its gridlock in an unusual bipartisan effort to ban the word ‘lunatic’ from all federal legislation. The new law was designed to remove outdated or demeaning language from existing US code.

The word “lunatic” had become politically incorrect since it was insensitive to werewolves or anyone descended from werewolves. It derives from “Luna”, the Latin word for moon, and “Tic”, the nervous twitch often associated with crazy people.

One of the sponsors of the measure was North Dakota Senator Kent Conrad. He believes that federal law should reflect modern science, and that we should no longer refer to lunatics as lunatics. As their solution, the old derogatory word is to be replaced with either: Moon Units, Idiots, Mental Midgets, or Progressives.

The House of Representatives voted 398-1 in support of the bill, after the Senate approved the motion back in May. After passing both houses of Congress, the bill could then be passed on to President Obama for his auto-pen signature.

Interestingly, the one “no” vote came from a Texas lunatic who had the crazy idea that Congress should spend its time on more important matters, such as trying to prevent the entire country from going over a fiscal cliff.

In a related effort, the Senate is considering trying to pass a new rule that would essentially ban any former comedians from becoming members of the United States Senate. The honourable Senator Al Franken’s initial reaction to this was, “What, is this some kind of joke or something?”


The following two tabs change content below.
Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.