MN Pond Scum Being Sold As Organic Herbal Muck

April 29th, 2015 | by Johnnny
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Miraculous Medicinal Muck

Somewhere, Minnesota – A group of resourceful environmental herbologists with a special knack for marketing organic health products will soon be selling pond scum (Pondis Scumius Major) carefully gathered from certain hard-to-reach Minnesota pond areas.

Packaged as Organic Medicinal Muck (OMM), this amazing herbal pond scum has been shown by OMM-certified scientists to possibly have some sort of effect on people who suffer from a wide spectrum of diseases, including: •Amebiasis •Brucellosis •Coxsackie Virus •Dengue Fever •Ehrlichiosis •Fifth Disease •Glanders •Histoplasmosis •Impetigo •Jejunal Atresia •Kawasaki Syndrome •Listeriosis •Monkeypox •Nongonococcal Urethritis •Osteoporosis •Psittacosis •Q Fever •Ringworm •Shigellosis •Tularemia •Urticaria Pigmentosa •Vancomycin Resistant Enterococcus •West Nile Virus •Xerophthalmia •Yersiniosis and •Zoonoses.

Organic Medicinal Muck will be available in many different user-friendly forms: •Raw (straight from the pond) •Dehydrated •Ointment •Salve •Pill •Capsule •Gelcaps •Extract Concentrate •Soap •Tea •Burgers •Cake •Shake •Snortable Powder (only available in some states) •Injectable Medicine •Facial Cream •Doggie Biscuits •Cleaning Pads and as •Acrylic Paints.

If you are a motivated self-starter who would like to sell Organic Medicinal Muck door-to-door, please apply in person at any of the OMM branch offices.

Company president Dr. Paplo Poinbank says: “These products practically sell themselves, plus OMM can also be used as a mantra for your next relaxation meditation.”


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)