Obama Names NDSU Bison Our National Football Team

May 11th, 2016 | by Johnnny
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Generations of Bison have and will continue to dominate the competition in and on the field.

Buffalo, NY – President Obama has graciously taken some time off his busy golf schedule to name the NDSU Bison our official national football team.

Top spokesman for the president, Scheff Fleffly spoke on strict terms of anonymity:

“Let it be known far and wide, that we hereby decree, from this day forward, that the 5-Time National Champion NDSU Bison from Fargo, South Dakota are henceforth to be named the national football team of America.”

Reaction to this major announcement was swift and mixed, and then poured into a tall chilled glass:

“Hey, I thought Fargo was in Canada, eh?” pondered Dumpster Johnstone’s stepmother.

Crest Fleckers lisped: “It’s about time, since the Bisons not only discovered America but have managed to dominate since Day One!”

LaFlex Boddington retroflexed: “Don’t we have more impotent things to worry about like Global Cooling or lowering the Maximum Wage?!”

Punky Butterworth sub-vocalized: “Well, that’s just fricking great! Now perhaps we can finally integrate outcome-based critical thinking via self-reflection on what the Bison mean to us, collectively, as a group.”


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.