Bonfire of the Vanities

Firestone, CO – This is National Bonfire Month designed to help fight against Global Cooling and the next Glacial Age.

With average global temperatures showing a general cooling trend instead of the much-hyped global warming {More Info}, bonfires seem to be the best and logical solution.

Anyone and everyone who is capable of legally hosting a safe bonfire is being encouraged to do so during the next months and years.

“If we all pitch in and help out by building bonfires, it could really help! Plus, who doesn’t enjoy sitting around a campfire visiting with your in-laws?” says Curby Feelers, National Bonfire Advocate.

Please check your local forecast first. Make sure the windcast for the next six hours in your area is for winds of 5 mph or less.

Also, if you live in a drought-stricken area, bonfires are obviously not advised. No one wants to piss off Smokey The Bear!

So, pick up the makings for s’mores, build a bonfire in the nearest bonfire pit, and help warm things up a bit and save Planet Earth. As Curby Feelers always says: “Think global. Act local.”