Tag Archives: hole

Bad Red Panda Gets Solitary Confinement After Escaping From The Red River Zoo

To teach the bad Red Panda a lesson, Sheffield will spend 40 days in The Hole.

Fargone, ND – After a bad Red Panda named Sheffield escaped from the Red River Zoo, the head warden for the zoo felt he needed to send a very strong message to all of the rest of the zoo inmates.

For escaping from the zoo, their bad Red Panda named Sheffield will get forty (40) days in solitary confinement, and its provisions will be limited to only bamboo shoots, bamboo leaf tips, and various insects.

Warden Nowlan Paddock in his own words: “If we have to play hardball, we will certainly play hardball, in order to dissuade other animal inmates from even thinking about escaping from our colorful Red River Zoo Prism System.”

During the escape, after a few tense hours while Sheffield was possibly terrorizing nearby neighborhoods and causing temporary pandamonium, Zoo guards cleverly coaxed Sheffield down from a tree outside the zoo by bribing the bad Red Panda with its favorite cigarettes, expensive imported rum, and various Chinese candies.

Ironically, all of the letters in Nowlan Paddock can be re-arranged to spell: Panda Lockdown!