AEROBIC SELF DEFENSE!
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Celebrities Claiming Nations
It seems to be, in order to be a successful celebrity, you must join the elite ranks of other celebrities and start claiming nations. You are not considered a gifted celebrity unless you do so and you are certainly not part of the ‘special club.’
Sean Penn has claimed Haiti. Ben Afflek has since claimed the Congo. Angelina scoops up and claims any UN mission areas. Leonardo DiCaprio has claimed Mozambique. Madonna has claimed Malawi.
Just recently there was one of those high-roller poker games and they all put the various causes in a hat and each elite actor picked one. Sean Penn was pissed and tried to trade Haiti for Thailand but the group voted no.
Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, and Sean Penn have have been in a ruffle and tuffle as of late. Sean Penn looks to claim all land including oceans outside of the United States. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie sees this as Penn intruding on their territory and would not want to have to pay Penn a ‘finders fee’ for any child they may adopt in the future.
A phone call to Penn has gone unanswered but we believe the dispute has not been resolved as of yet.
A Direct Recording of Alexander Graham Bell’s voice – Filtered Version
This is incredible. It is the recorded voice of the one and only Alexander Graham Bell.
Bear Throw
How to properly throw a bear.
Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead Cleanup Week Postponed Until 2020
West Fargo, ND – Every year in May, Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead conduct their yearly cleanup week where people may throw out their hordes of crap. Not this year.
This year you will have to hold onto your complete and utter crap for another……………7 years. All three cities has postponed cleanup week until the year 2020.
City officials expect the weather to be utter crap for the next 7 years and would like to plan ahead. They anticipate they will be busy with other responsibilities such as flooding, snow blizzards in July, the abominable snowman, and potholes.
Whole Lot of Boner At The Summit League Women’s Golf Championship
KELLER, Texas – The first round of the Summit League women’s championship took place on Monday.
North Dakota State University had four golfers finish in the top ten. Senior Amy Anderson and freshman Hailey Boner are tied for second place. They both managed to shoot a 76.
Currently there is a three-way tie for second place with Anderson and Boner while Knutson is part of a three-way tie for fifth place.
Women’s second round play is scheduled to begin at 8 a.m. Tuesday, April 23, and the final round is slated for a 10:15 a.m. start Wednesday, April 24.
Expect to see Boner awake and ready for action bright and early Tuesday morning. I would expect to see an even more erect and pumped Boner during the final round Wednesday, April 24th.
Boner has nothing to lose. Boner must get the swing down if she is going to impress her competitors. Boner should expect to put fear into her opponents by the power and accuracy of her swing.
If Boner’s swing is strong and accurate, it may just intimidate her opponents enough to forfeit. If Boner is tired and feeling limpy then it may be a long day of golf as her competitors look to pull ahead of her.
If Boner is looking to win, Boner must not forget to wash her balls. Boner does not want her balls dirty if she is to put them in multiple holes throughout the competition.
We are really rooting for Boner and we wish her the best. Keep that swing strong Boner!
Bismarck KFYR News Anchor Swears On Air
A.J Clemente and Van Tieu were reading the news when A.J Clemente lets out a nervous ‘fucking shit’ before his turn is up to read the news. Pretty hilarious.
Apparently AJ was suspended for this. You may contact KFYR and let them know how ridiculous they are. Overreaction much? Only perfect and pure people must work at KFYR who make no mistakes. That must be it.
**UPDATE**
AJ has reportedly been fired for his mistake. Seems KFYR has no problem reporting death, murder, and destruction on a daily basis but god forbid someone says fucking shit by mistake on air. That makes a lot of sense KFYR.
It’s 4/20 In Denver
Owning a Microsoft Windows 8 Computer
Jim: Hey Todd. Can you send an e-mail to our very valuable customer who contacted us today for me please? My computer needs to reboot for a Microsoft update.
Todd: No can do Jim. I’m already in the middle of a Microsoft update. We’ll just have to contact him tomorrow.
Next day….
Jim: I have the customer on the phone but another Microsoft update popped up and it started to install itself. Can you take this?
Todd: Sure. Transfer him over. Wait. I didn’t postpone another update and now it decided to automatically install itself. Says it’s going to restart soon. We’ll have to call them back tomorrow.
Jim: Todd can you….
Todd: No I can’t. I turned on my computer and updates are installing. I have to wait until that’s done for me to get to my desktop.
Later that day….
Jim: Todd, do you kn……….
Todd: Updates….installing updates…..more updates JIM!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Next day….
Jim: Well we lost our top account Todd. We’ll probably be out of jobs any day now. It was nice working with you.
Todd: Yessssssss. Finally got back to the desktop. What was that you were saying Jim?
One Million Moms Group Wants Kmart’s ‘Ship My Pants’ Commercial Pulled From The Air
The every so annoying One Million Moms Group, decided they still lead pathetic lives and needed something to bitch about. This time around its Kmart’s new ‘Ship My Pants’ commercial.
This pathetic group wants Kmarts ‘Ship My Pants’ commercial pulled off the air because it suggests people are shitting their pants.
The group, One Million Moms (OMM), wrote on its website that the ad is “disgusting” and “ridiculous” and “should be pulled off the air immediately.”
I here at the FM Observer suggest to you One Million Moms (OMM) to maybe look back at your own lives because surely you have shit your own pants at one point in time. Lifes to short to hate OMM, you dirty pant shitters. Are you jealous of pant shitters? Did poopy pants scar your weak petty minds at one point? What is it that you have any poopy pants? Weirdos.
Anyways, Congratulations Kmart for providing us sane and normal people with a very funny commercial.