Local Moms Gather For Nappy Hour

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imagesMoms from across the area are gathering today at 2 pm for the first ever Nappy Hour. This event consists of one hour in which moms come to take a nap. They are encouraged to bring a blanket, their pajamas, a mat, or whatever will help them get some sleep. Childcare is provided free of charge if you know someone who will provide it. The first Nappy Hour will be held today at Starbucks, corner of 7th St and 3rd Ave. Each month it will be held at a different venue.

Beatrice Witty, founder of Nappy Hour, says “I started Nappy Hour because moms are exhausted. Sometimes moms just want a mid-day nap too. And, moms are looking for excitement so I thought a different spot each month would help to encourage this. Each mom also gets their own choice of candy bar, so no need to sneak from their kids anymore.”

The next Nappy Hour is scheduled for February 3rd at the popular wine bar, The Vine. Moms are encouraged to stay after their nap for Happy Hour and can remain in their pajamas if preferred.

New Dollar Hotel Perfect For Some Budgets

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Bunk for a Buck @ The DoHo

Moorhead, MN – A new budget hotel is coming to the Fargo-Moorhead area.

The Dollar Hotel will offer basic discount luxury.

“Think of the DoHo as the hotel version of the Dollar Store”, said someone.

Each room will smartly come with a single bed.

Also provided will be an alarm clock radio, a Rubik’s cube, some unique art, and an adorable used stuffed animal.

In addition, DoHo guests will have access to a shared bathroom called the Water Closet (just like in Europe).

Looking for a nice little get-a-way? Only have a dollar? Find your way to the Dollar Hotel where their slogan is: Bunk for a Buck!

New PolyPax Chance To Turn Your Life Around

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Get PolyPax. Go PolyPax. Live PolyPax.

With PolyPax, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Venturia, ND – Polypax Corporation is now accepting applications for extremely motivated entrepreneurs to expand the PolyPax domination of the PolyPax marketplace world-wide.

If you have moderate to zero experience using any previous PolyPax make or models and have not been convicted of more than one felony in the past six months, PolyPax wants to talk to you immediately in Conference Room B.

“Why make 10% of 10% of the profits when you can make 90% of 90% of the profits”, says Bev Shepler from Idaho Springs, Colorado.

And it’s all Tax-Free!

“As a night-shift accountant, PolyPax Corporation really seems to have their ducks in a row”, believes Harold Block, who’s had PolyPax installed in every room of his garden-level apartment.

Hurry to contact PolyPax today!

Dumpster Johnstone says: “I am so glad my x-wife told me about PolyPax. Now that we’re re-married again, this time it might actually work out just like in the movies, thanks to PolyPax.”

Ask to arrange for a free MRI at any of the three participating Radiological Convenience Stations.

Use Friend Code “PolyPax-123” when they ask who gets the kickback.

PolyPax President Mukesh Bindra: “Once you try the PolyPax advantage without experiencing any of the many possible adverse side effects, you will never not want PolyPax again, guaranteed!”

Go PolyPax! Get PolyPax! Love PolyPax! Live PolyPax! And do it today before PolyPax Corporation gets shut down by curiously persistent Federal Regulators!

Should Fargo Turn Its Telephone Booths Into Hyperbaric Chambers?

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Streetside hyperbaric prototype

Fargo, ND—As our nation continues the technological migration toward hand-held cellular communication, cities around the country are getting creative with ways to repurpose their now-useless phone booths.

The FM Observer is left to wonder: What if Fargo put some of that taxpayer money towards a little oxygen therapy? Should Fargo turn its talkboxes into hyperbaric chambers that its citizens can use to replenish their O² levels at roughly 4.4 PSI above the Earth’s atmospheric pressure? Obviously!

Should city leaders construct an oxygen rejuvenation station where that rusty old payphone used to be? We think so. We feel like Fargoans could benefit from easy access to Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT) by way of self-contained coin-operated compression chambers. 

Would you approve such a measure? Could you see yourself inside a Broadway sidewalk HBOT prototype jolting spastically from a hyperoxic seizure? Let us know in the comments!

Art Show To Help Dog Owners Buy More Dog Food For More Dogs

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“Dog Food Factory” by Amsterdam Douglass

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer will soon be hosting an art sale to help assist pet owners who cannot afford to buy food for their ever-hungry pets.

FMO Staff artist Amsterdam Douglass has donated his famous “Dog Food Factory” painting to get the ball rolling. Hopefully other area artists will jump on board once they see the benefit of helping people feed their dogs so that we can perhaps increase the overall pet population in our area.

Jerry Mumbo, Executive Director of Feed Animals Today (FAT) believes it’s good to increase people’s dependency on supplemental sources of incomes.

“By helping low-income dog owners purchase dog food for their little Shih-Tzus, this might encourage these people to eventually add a dog or two to their pack thus increasing their need for further assistance.” says Jerry.

Mr. Mumbo: “I’m sure everyone agrees it’s a real win/win situation: Hungry dogs get fed. Dog owners have more money to spend on beer and cigarettes. The assistance program creates good-paying jobs, like mine. And finally, neighborhoods throughout our area will end up with more and more dogs to shit in our yards and bark during our sleep.”

If you would like to help, dial any random phone number and tell whomever answers that you love dogs, especially when they’re untrained and off-leash.

Hundreds Of Misguided Bison Fans Mistakenly Went To San Francisco

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Are you saying the Bison championship football game isn't in San Francisco?

Are you saying the Bison championship football game isn’t in San Francisco?

San Francisco, CA – Some Bison football fans taking buses to the Big Game in Frisco ended up taking a very wrong turn.

A convoy of four buses full of Bison fans had gotten as far as Omaha, Nebraska when one of the bus drivers was chatting with a trucker at a truck stop during a smoke break.

“Where yawl headed?” asked the trucker.

“Taking these fine Fargo folks to Frisco!” the head bus driver answered.

“Well, there’s Interstate 80. That will take yawl straight to Frisco!” said the trucker.

“OK, thanks” the bus driver responded, as they both stomped out their cigarettes.

Unfortunately the trucker supposedly thought they were going to San Francisco instead of Frisco, Texas.

Many miles later, the convoy of four busloads of singing Bison fans pulled into San Fransicso, California.

They’re now all riding the San Francisco cable cars asking everyone “Where are the Bison? Where’s the big game?!”

It turns out that the trucker back in Omaha who gave them wrong directions attended Illinois State University. He knew that all those Bison fans were trying to get to Frisco, Texas to cheer the Bison on to their 4th straight National Championship.

Moral of the story: Never take directions from a Redbird.

Going South? Then you need to travel West!

Going South? Well then, you need to travel straight West for about a thousand miles!

Top Ten Norwegian Proverbs

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Greetings from Norway! This is no joke.

Hammerfest, Norway – The entire FM Observer staff is here in Hammerfest, Norway for their annual Hammerfest. We also needed to buy a hammer for our workshop and decided this would be the perfect place to do some hammer shopping.

While here, we discovered that Norway is known for much more than all those Norwegian jokes. Ole and Lena’s country is also rich with some wonderful and wise old proverbs.

So, as promised during a beer toast, here is our much-awaited list of the Top Ten Norwegian Proverbs, brought to you by the FM Observer, and by the entire country of Norway. Enjoy!

#10: Do not sell the hide until you have shot the bear.

#9: A small grass tuft can topple a big cart load.

#8: Carve your good words in stone, the bad in snow.

#7: Behind the clouds, the sky is always blue.

#6: No one can help someone who will not help themselves.

#5: There is hope as long as your fishing line is in the water.

#4: Do not report the weather while standing in a garage.

#3: An empty head gets the easiest sleep.

#2: No such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

#1: More cooks make a bigger mess.

Local Man Who Dreamed He Was Flying Somehow Woke Up In Tokyo

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When in Japan, see some Sumo!

Fargo, ND – A local Fargo man who crawled into bed in Fargo at around 11:00 PM on December 29th, somehow amazingly woke up in Tokyo, Japan the next day.

Dave Cooperfeld of 243 Pinecone Place says he had a dream that night in which he was flying in a large passenger airplane. When he woke up from his long slumber, he was in Tokyo!

Experts are trying to figure out just how this could have happened. His wife, Claudia, is wondering how her husband is going to get home?

They both recall his recent Chinese fortune cookie which said: “An unexpected trip is soon at hand.” But at the time they both thought it meant a fall or tumble down the stairs.

None of the airlines show any record of Mr. Cooperfeld boarding an airplane between the time he went to bed and when he ended up in Tokyo.

Some speculate that the sleeping Mr. Cooperfeld travelled through a worm hole or a “wrinkle in time”. His wife thinks that rum was involved.

While he’s there, Mr. Cooperfeld is planning on visiting the famous Fish Market, checking out some Sumo wrestling, perhaps drinking some Hot Sake (SOCK-key), and then maybe topping it all off by singing some Karaoke (Carry-OH-key).

Area Man Injured By Falling Gas Prices

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Prices are falling everywhere.

Gas prices: falling all over the place

Fargo, ND—Local man Tarto Burstwalter is suing Phillip’s 66 after he claims he was hit by falling gas prices. The sudden drop was such a jolt that it left him paralyzed from the waist-down.

“Never saw this sharp a drop coming,” said Burstwalter from inside a hospital bed. “When the prices fell, I tried to get out of the way but couldn’t. I was hit. When I came to, I was in the hospital, couldn’t flex my ass cheeks and gas only cost two bucks.”

Burstwalter’s personal injury lawsuit against Phillip’s citing “extreme negligence” and “ass distress” is currently under review.