Tag Archives: bathroom

New ND Governor’s Mansion Mistaken For Highway Rest Area By Many Travelers

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Many find the marble bathrooms in the new ND Governor’s Residence to be very nice.

Bizmark, ND – Whether planned or unplanned is not certain at this juncture, but North Dakota’s new Governor’s Mansion looks like a highway rest area to many driving by.

Many a weary traveler going across the state have stopped at the new Executive Residence recently built for North Dakota’s Governor and have walked in to use the main floor bathroom facilities.

Some have even snooped into the kitchen fridge and played the lobby piano before continuing on with their journey.

The architect for the Executive Mansion was unavailable for comment, however he did text us back adamantly asking that we never send him another text again.

Besides looking like a highway rest area, others have likened the Executive Palace to a secretive bilateral nuclear bomb test shelter site.

But since the taxpayers of North Dakota own it because we paid for it, feel free to continue to stop and use it as a highway rest area, but please, only play the piano if you’re a certified trained professional.

New Starbucks Bathroom Policy Welcomes All

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If you need a bathroom now, now think Starbucks!

Seattle, WA – After undergoing some much needed racial sensitivity training, Starbucks Coffee has come up with a new bathroom policy for all its locations across the country.

Starbucks new Open Door bathroom policy will let anyone use any of their three bathrooms at any time.

The fine print of their new Open Door policy does have a few additional clauses worth noting:

A. You must be carrying in your hand a recently purchased Starbucks coffee with you, along with your receipt, or

B. You must either be a Starbucks employee or be close personal friends with someone who is currently working at that particular location, or

C. You have been pre-approved to do so by joining the Starbucks Bathroom Club and are currently wearing your Starbucks Bathroom Club button with its scannable barcode.

One Of The Most Anticipated Ads During The Super Bowl Is For ‘The Super Bowl’

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The new “Super Bowl” toilet is being called American-sized for customers who might have a slight problem with obesity.

Flushing Meadows, NY – As millions of football fans watch Super Bowl 51, even more people will be tuning in to see the much-anticipated batch of advertisements during the game.

One ad that many will be watching for features the world’s largest toilet now available for public use.

It is simply called The Super Bowl.

This mammoth-sized toilet has been specially designed for large Americans who may be trying to qualify for the show The Biggest Loser.

Its associated plunger (which is included free of charge) is supposedly the size of a tractor hubcap.

The Super Bowl is intended for clients ranging in size from 600 to 2,600 pounds and is guaranteed not to crack under such extreme weights.

The Super Bowl Toilet Company kindly suggests using a common roll of paper towels as an adjunct to their fine product.

Fargo Restroom Patrons Can Use Whichever One They Want Based On How They Feel

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Men and Women will no longer be segregated into separate bathrooms.

Fargo, ND – To avoid any possible messy lawsuits, all public and private businesses in Fargo will now be required to allow anyone to use whichever bathroom they want based on how they feel at that moment.

So, if you’re biologically male, but feel like using the bathroom normally intended for females, you just go right ahead and do so.

“Why should women be the only ones who are allowed to use the nicer women’s restrooms?”, complains Mort Rose, a professional activist who founded the group: Social Unrest Crisis Kitchen, or SUCK for short.

Mort Rose goes on: “The old paradigm of men go here and women go there is based on a segregational model, which I believe has been outlawed – because it’s just plain wrong!”

All across F-Town, signs that used to say “Men” and “Women” will now be replaced with signs that just say “Bathroom” or “Restroom”.

Jamestown Man Goes Crazy While Looking At Himself In The Mirror Too Long

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I’m looking at the man in the mirror.

Jamestown, ND – Have you ever looked at your self in the mirror long enough so that you forgot you were looking at a reflection? Mirrorologists call this magical moment the Mind Snap Moment, named after Dr. Leonard Mind Snap, who once reported that: “This is the moment when you suddenly think you’re looking at another person instead of your own reflection.”

A Jamestown man, who shall remain anonymous (Lonny Frackenbush), just recently encountered the Mind Snap Moment while looking into his bathroom mirror way too long. Hallucinations of indoor snow and uninvited in-laws began joining him during his 10-hour starefest into his bathroom vanity. Dr. Mind Snap once said: “Mirrors should come with warning labels.” It’s just too bad that Lonny Frackenbush didn’t read this post soon enough.

travis beck ndsu bison fargo

New Police Video. NDSU linebacker Travis Beck Had Dirty Hands.

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travis beck ndsu bison fargoFargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately.  He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.

Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident.  The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.

These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident.  The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.

Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation.  We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House.  Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.

Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field.  Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.

Fargo Bathroom Swordfighting

Jim Briton Is The Best Bathroom Swordsman in Fargo-Moorhead

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Fargo Bathroom SwordfightingFargo, ND – Bathroom sports are a daily thing and Jim Briton is the best of it all.

Years and years ago, Jim Briton was too young to play bathroom swords with all the other folks.  But after growing up and practicing on his own on a daily basis, he is now the best bathroom swordsman in Fargo-Moorhead.

Being able to practice bathroom swordsmanship on my own all these years has really given me the advantage over the others as my mother would always clean up after me.  Large sporting events bathrooms are the best place to show my skills.  Many men want to challenge my piss swordfighting skills and I gladly take the challenge.  They usually walk out of the bathroom battered and beaten I’m that good.

How did you get interested in bathroom swordfighting?  “Well, I got bored just pissing straight into the toilet.  I’m standing there holding my piss pump thinking there’s got to be more to it than this.  That’s when I started challenging others around me to a swordfighting match.”

Since walking into bathrooms all over the city, Jim Briton’s career has soared.  Everybody knows him.  Everybody fears him.  There is no bathroom swordsman Jim can’t handle.

Just last month Jim Briton beat over 100 men in bathroom swording and the numbers are rising.

I’m on a roll and nobody can stop me.  It’s a great feeling.  I’m continually improving my bathroom swordfighting skills and I feel confident I can walk into any bathroom and beat anyone I wish.

Jim Briton is sure to reach an all-american bathroom swordfighting status soon.  Keep an eye out for Jim in the Fargo-Moorhead area.  This local celebrity could be pissing right next to you.