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National Lutheran Church To Become Bird Sanctuary Denomination

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Many Lutheran church sanctuaries will soon be filling up with birds.

Dulutheran, MN – The Angelical Lutheran Church Of America (ALCOA) announced that it will become the denomination that opens its sanctuary doors up to any and all types of birds.

Ms. Rose Grosbeak is the spokeswoman for ALCOA: “Each church sanctuary will be opened up as a safe-haven bird sanctuary for migrating birds who perhaps need temporary or permanent shelter.”

Ms. Grosbeak explains that architecturally, most Lutheran church sanctuaries have a lot of interior height which will help provide the birds ample room to fly around in, while using the offering plates up on the main alters as feeding stations.

Various Lutheran member groups will be making bird nests along with cute little painted bird houses for the many different types of birds that are expected to take advantage of the new Lutheran bird sanctuary pronouncement.

Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday

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Yes, indeed, Thursdays are the new Friday!

Yes, indeed, Thursday is the new Friday!

Duluth, MN – University of Minnesota at Duluth researchers have conclusively confirmed that Thursdays are now the new Fridays.

Just as we at the FM Observer have longly strongly suspected, that all-important Friday slot has now been taken over by Thurdays.

Professor Stuard Shy exclaims: “Because of the new extra tilting of the Earth, along with the advent of Thursday Night Football, yes indeed, Thursday has become the new Friday.”

By our calculations, because of this revelation, Tuesday afternoons are the new Humpday.

Professor Shy: “And expect to see more and more church goers going to church on Saturdays.”

How do you feel about all this? Please let us know by calling 1-800-THURSDAY and ask to speak directly with Professor Stuard Shy, whose name ironically can be rearranged to spell THURSDAYS!