Tag Archives: planet earth

Women Moving To Venus And Leaving Men Behind

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Welcome to Venus! Men not welcome.

Welcome to Venus! Men not welcome.

Venus, FL – With men mostly in charge of things here on Earth, and with the general state of affairs going from bad to worse, women are banding together to head out to their very own beautiful planet: Venus!

Earth women are getting so sick and tired of men running the show into the ground that plans are “in the works” for all women, who are willing and able to make the trip, to travel to their original home planet and once again, make it their home, where men are not allowed!

Pretty much any woman we spoke with said: “Men have created such a Global SNAFU here on Planet Earth that we are packing our bags and getting ready to head on out of here!”

Most men we asked about this were too busy fighting to realize what’s going on.

Dear FMO: How Can We Create A Quagmire On Our Property?

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Email Dr. Pete Bogg any questions you may have about landscaping or gardening.

Quamba, Minnesota – Ms. Geri Quam emailed our gardening and landscape specialist a great question: How can I create a green quagmire on our Minnesota lake property in order to provide some wetlands for animals and help save the Earth?

Dr. Pete Bogg who headquarters out of our corporate office park says: Dear Geri Quam, I commend you on your desire to create a quagmire on your property.

If done correctly, you will provide vital habitat for beavers, otters, turtles, mink, and maybe even some muskrat love. If done wrong, you might end up with an entangled imbroglio which could possibly even border on a muddled Minnesota morass.

To keep it very simple, in order to create a healthy quagmire, start out by taking some good-looking mire, and then to it add a healthy dose of quag. I’ve found that the best ratio to use here is three quags to every five foot-pounds of mire. After settling, once the whole thing eventually starts to bubble, you’ll know you’re on the right path to a successful quagmire.

Dr. Pete Bogg noted that all the letters in Geri Quam can be re-arranged to spell: Quagmire!

Global Spinning Is Increasing In Speed; Is It Too Late To Try And Put The Brakes On?

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The speeding up of Global Spinning could have some seriously bad consequences.

Spinnerville, NY – Governmental experts are now warning inhabitants of Earth that the spinning of our planet is really speeding up.

Algore, who seems to be the most expert expert on this impotent issue, is predicting that this increase in speed of Earth’s rotation on its axis is caused by Man (mainly in the United States) and he believes that we’all should be heavily taxed so that governmental workers can try to fix the problem.

“Global Spinning is a very, very serious problem which could send some people and animals flying right off the planet and straight into outer space,” says Algore.

How do you feel about the problem of Global Spinning, or don’t you care? What would you do if you suddenly flew off the Earth because it’s spinning too fast? Would you pay more in taxes so your government can wisely spend that money to slow down the spinning of the Earth? Would you be willing to join the Space Force? How much can you bench press right now?

Area Marshes Getting Really Bogged Down

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Experts all agree that people in the future will fight over any dry land that still exists.

Wetonka, SD – With the sudden gradual onset of Global Wetting, marshlands in our area are beginning to get really bogged down.

“These low-lying wetlands are becoming so darned waterlogged that some are now being categorized as Level III marshy quagmires,” says Pete Bogg, executive director of The War On Wetlands.

Climatologists believe that with the additional rain expected to fall over the next 100 years, the Dakotas will be very similar to a giant bowl of swampy vegetable soup, with no dry land to drink beer on.

“I don’t want to cause a mass panic, but just imagine having extremely wet socks…for the rest of your life, and then multiply that times infinity,” warns Pete Bogg, as he sips his dry martini while reaching for another Xanax.

Expensive Study Finds That Year 2100 Is Only About 82 Years Away

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Minnesota scientists have calculated that the Year 2100 will occur in about 82 years.

St. Paul, MN – A recently completed study for the state of Minnesota has made an astonishing discovery about the year 2100.

Minnesota scientists, working with NASA, have determined that the year 2100 in Earth Years is only about 82 years ahead of us in our communal future.

The Minnesota study was funded by a GoFundMe account which was created by Doctor Odem Fung who headed up this amazing study.

Dr. Fung in his own words: “Yes, we raised about $687 million via GoFundMe for this impotent study of which I am in charge.”

“We believe the results of the study will help Earthlings prepare for future concerns such as Global Cooling, the National Debt, Zika Virus, Male Gropers, and the Second Coming of Christ.”

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Fung can be re-arranged to spell: Go Fund Me!

Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River

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The USS Fargo

Fargo, ND – “Drastic times require drastic measures,” notes Marvin Nimmaster, president of the Red River Coast Guard Society as the City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather Icebreaker from the country of Iceland as Algore’s Global Cooling Initiative begins to pick up some glacial momentum from the International Council of Temperature Mitigation efforts to manage Earth’s water’s changing modal properties.

The USS Fargo along with its highly trained crew of 75 will work tirelessly to keep the Red River of the North ice-free from Wahpeton to Winnipeg as concerned climatologists foresee many major ice storms which threaten to shut down the transportational aspect of our economy leaving only the Red River as the last viable means to thorough-fare goods and people to differing latitudes.

Marvin Nimmaster on the reality of Global Cooling: “The imminent threat of the Earth icing up like a giant snow cone is no longer an arguable hoax that can be joked about by climatological comedians but rather is as real as the moose standing in the middle of the road as your vehicle is trying to slam on its brakes to avoid having the thousand pound beast land in your lap while you’re trying to get to grandma’s house to go sip some eggnog.”

Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday

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Yes, indeed, Thursdays are the new Friday!

Yes, indeed, Thursday is the new Friday!

Duluth, MN – University of Minnesota at Duluth researchers have conclusively confirmed that Thursdays are now the new Fridays.

Just as we at the FM Observer have longly strongly suspected, that all-important Friday slot has now been taken over by Thurdays.

Professor Stuard Shy exclaims: “Because of the new extra tilting of the Earth, along with the advent of Thursday Night Football, yes indeed, Thursday has become the new Friday.”

By our calculations, because of this revelation, Tuesday afternoons are the new Humpday.

Professor Shy: “And expect to see more and more church goers going to church on Saturdays.”

How do you feel about all this? Please let us know by calling 1-800-THURSDAY and ask to speak directly with Professor Stuard Shy, whose name ironically can be rearranged to spell THURSDAYS!

Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend

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It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

International Falls, MN – After Global Warmers from all around the world met in Minnesota, they all agreed that slightly falsified data now conclusively shows that Global Cooling is part of Global Warming and that the only way to solve the overall problem is by raising taxes.

Climate Changologists meeting in International Falls, Minnesota agreed that near-term Global Cooling is strong evidence that long-term Global Warming is “getting worser”.

Luckily, Algore’s carbon footprint tax plan is starting to be implemented which could not only save Planet Earth just in time but also win Algore at least one Nobel Peace Prize.

Climatological Mediators will also be doing some large-group counselling sessions with the Global Warming group and the Global Cooling group to see if a nice moderate temperature can be agreed upon by mixing the two.

The FM Observer is proud to have facilitated discussions about this important subject going back to the onset of the common bathroom blow dryer which was later shown to cause the melting of the polar stocking caps just as we had foreseen it in our laboratories.

Here are just a few of the articles the FM Observer has done about this timely subject:
Warmer Winters Maby Not All Bad
Springtime Global Warming Surprises Everyone
Robins Concur With Global Warming
Algore’s Warming Volcanic Activity
Brazil’s Sick Sugarloaf
How To Combat Global Cooling With Bonfires
Warming Causing Rising Oceans
Global Drying
The VooDoo Solution
What To Do With Climate Change Deniers
Go Green With Green Shoes

Cave Exploration Not Unlike Doing A Colonoscopy

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Dr. Hugh Janus likes to spend his free time exploring the bowels of the Earth.

Dr. Hugh Janus likes to spend his free time exploring the bowels of the Earth.

Cavetown, Maryland – Recently, while hanging out in the lunchroom of a local hospital, we learned of an interesting phenomenon while sipping coffee at a table with some gastroenterologists.

What we discovered is that many of these digestive tract doctors like to spend their free time exploring caves and leading some group cave explorations.

Dr. Seymour Butts said he started exploring caves while back in medical school. “I found caves to be a nice, quiet place to study.”

Dr. Willy Reams likens our planet’s caves to “the bowels of the Earth, which are well worth investigating.”

Dr. Richard Brown admitted that “after years of doing colonoscopies, I just feel comfortable hiking and exploring caves, which can go on for miles.”

Dr. Rodney Ram: “I actually became a gastroenterologist after growing up exploring caves in my state as an inquisitive youngster.”

NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon

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Noah’s Rocket is full of animals!

Moonshine, Illinois – NASA has unveiled its new Noah’s Rocket designed to bring two of every animal species to the moon in a last-ditch effort to save the Animal Kingdom from an imminent world-wide cataclysm.

N.O.A.H. (National Operative Aerospace Hyperchamber) is making its maiden voyage from Moonshine to Cape Canaveral via big truck trailer. NASA will then procure a prolific specimen profile to propel into space aboard N.O.A.H. After which, N.O.A.H. is slated for launch from the Cape in September of this year.

Top secret intel gleaned by FMO shows that in the cargo bay area of Noah’s Rocket will be two of every animal from Planet Earth. During their short trip to the Moon, the in-flight movie will be Eddie Murphy’s Dr. Dolittle. Once safely on the lunar surface, all of the animal pairs will be handed over to the Chinese, who have already secretly established a Table Tennis Complex on the Moon. In addition to Ping Pong, they will be able to add a much anticipated Petting Zoo.

NASA is working hard to make N.O.A.H. a success. “Between now and the day we launch, if science discovers any more species, we’ll be sure to jam em in there,” remarked project lead Whackite Bangtowner. Bangtowner, a Supreme Biologist, noted that there is one animal species they have not yet included in the trip. “If you know any homo sapiens who want to be thrust violently into the moon along with the rest of Earth’s creatures, please, don’t tell Obama.”