Venus, FL – With men mostly in charge of things here on Earth, and with the general state of affairs going from bad to worse, women are banding together to head out to their very own beautiful planet: Venus!
Earth women are getting so sick and tired of men running the show into the ground that plans are “in the works” for all women, who are willing and able to make the trip, to travel to their original home planet and once again, make it their home, where men are not allowed!
Pretty much any woman we spoke with said: “Men have created such a Global SNAFU here on Planet Earth that we are packing our bags and getting ready to head on out of here!”
Most men we asked about this were too busy fighting to realize what’s going on.
Expect to see many more Rocket Bikes flying out into deep space.
Fargo, ND – A young Fargo man who shall remain unnamed since he is only age 15, has not only started his own company called Space Exit, but has also designed, built, and successfully flown his own Rocket Bike into space.
Jermaine Vincent Cohen, who just turned 15 on Saturday, wanted to prove that his dream of flying a rocket bike into space was not only achievable, but also marketable.
His Fargo-based company called Space Exit will soon begin mass-producing his amazing Rocket Bike so other thrill-seekers can experience the extreme exhilaration of blasting off and riding a bike out into deep space.
Some industry analysts are saying that young Jermaine Cohen’s Rocket Bike is to travel as the iPhone was to communication.
Moonshine, Illinois – NASA has unveiled its new Noah’s Rocket designed to bring two of every animal species to the moon in a last-ditch effort to save the Animal Kingdom from an imminent world-wide cataclysm.
N.O.A.H. (National Operative Aerospace Hyperchamber) is making its maiden voyage from Moonshine to Cape Canaveral via big truck trailer. NASA will then procure a prolific specimen profile to propel into space aboard N.O.A.H. After which, N.O.A.H. is slated for launch from the Cape in September of this year.
Top secret intel gleaned by FMO shows that in the cargo bay area of Noah’s Rocket will be two of every animal from Planet Earth. During their short trip to the Moon, the in-flight movie will be Eddie Murphy’s Dr. Dolittle. Once safely on the lunar surface, all of the animal pairs will be handed over to the Chinese, who have already secretly established a Table Tennis Complex on the Moon. In addition to Ping Pong, they will be able to add a much anticipated Petting Zoo.
NASA is working hard to make N.O.A.H. a success. “Between now and the day we launch, if science discovers any more species, we’ll be sure to jam em in there,” remarked project lead Whackite Bangtowner. Bangtowner, a Supreme Biologist, noted that there is one animal species they have not yet included in the trip. “If you know any homo sapiens who want to be thrust violently into the moon along with the rest of Earth’s creatures, please, don’t tell Obama.”
Washington, DC – With his growing unconstitutional powers, President Obama is planning on executing another of his executive memos.
This time he is plotting to ask all top Republican leaders to take a “tour” of a new NASA rocket.
When all are aboard, the tour will suddenly blast off into a one-way ticket to another galaxy.
NASA spokesguy Buzz Almond says: “This is actually a pretty clever way of getting rid of all the gridlock in Washington. We need the President to be unfettered by the old traditional checks and balances. Sending all the Republicans into outer-space should really help the Obamagenda.”
If we could travel at light speed, the trip to the next galaxy would take about 150 years. But, of course, the warp-drive engines are not working, so the trip will take eons.
Unfortunately, because of threatened cuts to the rate of growth for most governmental agencies, the Republican Rocket will only be stocked with enough food for about 12 days.
Upcoming presidential executive memos to watch for are: Nationalizing all public and private golf courses, becoming one large combined country with Mexico, total government control of television and the internet, and the construction of large work camps for all who dare to oppose the Democrats.
NASA’s Antares Rocket Wallops An Island Off Virginia
Wallops Island, VA – Despite an apparent ‘glitch’ during take-off, NASA is saying that everything is under control and that no one should have any reason for concern.
Even though many on-lookers witnessed an alleged explosion during the attempted launch of the NASA Antares Rocket, government officials are down-playing the event as a possible ‘abnormal termination’.
Because of this, however, the future goals for the NASA space program could soon be lowered. Rather than shooting to return humans to the moon by 2020 and sending a manned mission to Mars by 2030, NASA is considering changing its goal to just being able to successfully launch a rocket into space without it blowing up on the launchpad.
A NASA spokesperson spoke: “By changing our blueprint for future deep space exploration, we are better aligning our goals with the true capabilities of a governmental agency to effectually bring a mission to a successful conclusion.”
The good news is that even though the U.S. has become totally dependent on the Russians to get us to and from the International Space Station ever since our own Space Shuttle program was ended in 2011, we luckily have maintained a great relationship with our friendly Russian allies.