Tag Archives: french

Mute Man Learns How To Communicate By Using A French Horn

After being born, he learned how to horn.

Elk Horn, Iowa – When Lon Terhark was born, he was unable to vocalize, officially making him a mute.

But luckily for Lon, his school band director encouraged him to take up playing French Horn.

Now, Lon Terhark has learned how to use his French Horn to communicate.

He has even met a woman who also uses her French horn to blow messages to Lon.

Whenever the two resort to swearing, they jokingly say: “Pardon my French horn!”

After the two get married, they would like to quietly start their own business selling decorative Christmas hornaments.

Not surprisingly, all of the letter in Lon Terhark can be blown to spell: Horn Talker!

Notre-Dame Church Fire In Paris May Have Been Sparked By Lone Cigarette Butt

“A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark.” –Dante

Paris, France – The historically tragic fire at the 800 year old Notre-Dame cathedral may have been caused a single cigarette butt.

This Gothic jewel that took about 100 years to build starting back in 1163, suffered serious damage from a large blaze that could possibly be traced back to a single sparking of some attic dust by a restoration worker’s “mégot de cigarette”.

Even though the policy for restoration workers of discarding cigarettes into water bottles is strictly followed, one tiny ember may have accidentally fallen into a soft bed of dust and gone undetected long enough to ignite a giant catastrophe.

After rebuilding the famous Notre-Dame cathedral, signs will be placed throughout the church saying “Merci De Ne Pas Fumer!”

Famous French Chef Accused Of Assault During Fargo Master Class

Jean-Claude Sorbonne charged with aggravated assault on helpless bread dough.

Fargo, ND – Charges have been filed against a famous French chef while he was teaching a cooking master class to some of the finest chefs in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

French chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne has been charged with cruel and unusual assault on some rising bread dough and is being held in the kitchen of the local jail until his day in court.

Jean-Claude Sorbonne claims he was merely pounding out the bread dough before letting it rise in order to achieve the perfect textural consistency kneaded for perfection.

Some of the many students in the cooking master class mentioned that Chef Sorbonne did seem to be pounding “the hell out of” the bread ad infinitum, to the point where they were feeling quite uncomfortable and wanting to leave.

Cigar-Shaped Alien Spacecraft Actually A Large French Bread Heading For Fargo

Mr. Hankey believes this is indeed an alien spacecraft based on the fact that it actually has functional headlights.

Oumuamua, Hawaii – The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as one of Bill Clinton’s wayward cigars.

Mr. Hankey in his own words: “By using special equipment at our FM Observatory on Hawaii, we have noticed that the alien French bread not only has headlights, but they are actually turned on, and aiming directly at Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Not only that, but we have also picked up radio waves from this French bread which seem to be continually broadcasting Rush Limbaugh’s theme song, intermittently interrupted with a high-pitched voice asking for a secret meeting with Donald Trump and his son-in-law.”

Because of this new revelation, special counsel Robert Mueller now believes President Trump (with some assistance from Stephen Hawking) has been colluding with aliens, which are seemingly on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota, whilst travelling at the speed of bread inside a large French-made spacecraft waiting to be lit like a Clintonian cigar.

Local Restaurant Review By Nick And Johnnny

FMO Restaurant Review: Le Sous-Sol

FMO Restaurant Review: Le Sous-Sol

Fargone, ND – What follows is another in a special series of restaurant reviews of places in the F-M area, mmkay?

Johnnny: By the flip of a coin, we decided to check out a new basement restaurant in downtown Fargo called Le Sous-Sol (the basement). As soon as we stumbled into the place, we knew it was a huge mistake to come here.

Nick: Le Sous-Sol. Impossible to pronounce due to our total lack of immersion in French culture. You see, the French weren’t allowed to migrate here back when North Dakota became a state. That was one of the provisions of what they called The Great Nodak-French Embargo. This fortunate embargo treaty lasted until well into the 1970s. As a result, French culture effectively skipped a generation. Now, we have our first French restaurant and nobody can pronounce its frickin’ title.

Johnnny: I wanted us to have a window booth. Upon learning they had neither, we were offered a free glass of wine, which I initially declined since wine is something we only drink at church. The overall ambiance seemed fine except for the extremely bright lights which manifested some disturbing pictures of dead animals on the walls.

Nick: Normally, dead things are quaintly pleasing to my eye holes. But these dead things I found offensive. There’s just something genuinely irritating about a disemboweled platypus leering at you as you try to dine. I complained, then brushed it aside as our obviously French waiter called it “les tradition” to have graphic depictions of newly-murdered mammal species adorn dining room walls. Whatever!

Johnnny: For an appetizer, I ordered the butterflied platypus and the pickled beets. We tried to pay no attention to the arguing coming from the kitchen until it literally spilled out into the dining area. Since some of the other patrons were smoking cigars, we lit up as well while enjoying the altercation.

Our server, Jacqiuex

Our server, Jacquieaiux

Nick: The cook fight! I forgot all about that! By that late in the evening I was so utterly trounced on red wine I forgot a lot of things but I do know those two sous chefs really had a war for the ages. I can recall a multitude of French cuss words being hurled about, such as “manger de la merde” and “vous baise la chatte”.  There was sangria and bisque and creme brulee all over the walls, the floor. It was magical!

Johnnny: We ended up having a seemingly wonderful time in spite of the food fighting staff and the questionable service. We met some folks from Colorado there who said they have been frequenting this restaurant for years (even tho it just opened a month ago, so they obviously were from Colorado, doyaknowhatimsayn?)

Nick: Our waiter insisted we pay for our meal in francs as it is, again, “les tradition” to fund your host in his native form of currency as payment. I called bullshit, but he stood tall. He explained that as part of the Great Nodak-French Embargo, full-blooded French have been disallowed from handling American currency. This was “les stipulation” of ending the embargo, he said. Well, we didn’t have any francs so we ended up having to wash all the creme brulee and bisque and whatnot off the walls. Hard French labor to pay for our meal. Side note: I had the scallops á la provençale which was absolutely incredible. 10/10.

Johnnny: In summary, we would only recommend that you eat at Le Sous-Sol if you end up there by accident or by force. Yes, it is a restaurant that serves food, but because of all its hyper-quirkiness, we suggest that you instead go to the Grand Porks, which we previously reviewed for our most discerning readers who we know appreciate a good thing and who are starving for the latest information on what the hell’s happening in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, mmkay?

Million Dollar Painting Found In Garage Rafters


Circus Sunday

Fargo, ND – Vern Vandegrift was lighting a cigar out in their cold, un-insulated, detached garage when he noticed something up in the frozen rafters.

It appeared to be an old dusty box.

Vern somehow got the box down from the rafters to take a peak inside.

He carefully slid a well-wrapped framed picture out of the old box and safely onto his garage workbench.

What he found himself looking at was a signed original painting by one of the most elusive French painters of all time: Jan-Panko LaPlonk.

The painting turned out to be the rarely seen “Circus Sunday” which had been lost since the mid-1800’s. Its value is estimated to be $1,000,000.

Now, Vern Vandegrift lights his cigar out in a warm, well-insulated garage. On the wall next to him hangs Jan-Panko LaPlonk’s rarely seen “Circus Sunday”.