Large squirrels like these float into FM area on inverted plastic garbage can lids.
Moorhead, MN – A nice family out having a normal picnic in a well-known Moorhead park was negatively amazed when a 32-pound squirrel performed a hostile takeover of all their food.
An NDSU squirrelologist says: “Yes, we have been noticing a recent trend for the larger squirrels to float down the river into the Fargo-Moorhead area on inverted plastic garbage can lids. Once here, they seem to set up shop near a popular park, where they occasionally rob family picnics, as if they’re their personal convenience stores.”
Comments from the traumatized family:
Father: “I felt so violated and so utterly helpless while we’all just sat and watched this 32-pound squirrel rob us of all our foodstuffs.”
Mother: “The last time I was this scared was when I somehow got locked in a gas station bathroom in New Jersey!”
Tween: “That was one bad-ass squirrel! Because of this experience, I would someday like to become a squirrelologist.”