Tag Archives: small business owners

Fargo Lobster Bisque Company Goes Belly Up Due To Lack Of Local Lobsters

It would’ve been real nice to have a Lobster Bisque company here in Fargo but apparently they forgot the Feasibility Study.

Fargo, ND – Even before it officially opened its doors for business, the Fargo Lobster Bisque Company is officially closing its doors.

Selbo Berquist is the owner of the already defunct Fargo Lobster Bisque Company who now admits: “Yeah, we prolly forgot to do our due diligence and go with the highly recommended Feasibility Study which prolly would’ve red flagged us to the fact that Fargo does not have a large lobster population living in the area.”

So what are Mr. Berquist’s plans for the future?

“Well, we have heard the Minnesota lakes area is starting to produce a plethora of zebra mussels so we are prolly looking into re-packaging ourselves in that general direction,” Selbo ponders. 

Ironically, all the lobsters in Selbo Berquist can bisquely be re-arranged to spell: Lobster Bisque!

New MN State Record Set For Smallest Walleye Ever Caught

This baby walleye sets the new record for the smallest walleye ever caught in the state of Minnesota!

Lakes, MN – Dr. Wayne Tilley didn’t know what he was in for during the Minnesota walleye fishing opener.

Wayne had no idear he would soon be the new state record-holder for the smallest walleye ever successfully reeled in since fishing records first began being kept back during the Taft administration.

Dr. Tilley plans to have the beautiful specimen stuffed and mounted for his children’s children to share with their children, if North Korea hasn’t nuked us by then.

Wayne Tilley in his own words: “Even tho it was only about four inches long and weighed in at about a quarter ounce, the darn little rascal put up a pretty good fight!

Ironically, all the letters in Wayne Tilley can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Tiny Walleye!

Fotos By Fritz The Cat Opens In Moorhead

Photography by Fritz The Cat

Photography by Fritz The Cat

Moorhead, MN – A new business is finally coming to the quirky town of Moorhead.

Fotos by Fritz the Cat will be opening its doors this week at the sight of the old Ralph’s bar on Main Avenue, just across the river in downtown Moorhead.

Frankly, Fritz admits to being an illegal alien cat who snuck into town via Lutheran Social Services.

Fritz began taking pictures when still just a small kitten back in his home province of Catmandu, in the mountainous country of Nipel, after being given a camera by the Dolly Llama.

Now, Fritz the Cat would like to serve the off-beat town of Moorhead with his photography skills.

His specialties are weddings, funerals, family pictures, graduations, mugshots, retirements, births, bar mitzvahs, accidents, and circumcisions.

To schedule a shooting, Fritz recommends contacting his wife, Miss Kitty.

If you mention the FM Observer, you will receive a 50% discount off of the normally inflated price due to Obamacare.

Fargo Panhandlers Super AIDS

Fargo To Crack Down On Small Businesses

Fargo Panhandlers Super AIDSFargo, ND – Small business owners, and by small business I mean panhandlers, will have to take their business elsewhere.

Panhandlers have been filing business license applications in records numbers lately in the hopes to become their own small business.  The panhandling profession has become very profitable in the Fargo area and citizens are growing concerned.

On Monday, city commissioners voted unanimously to expand a city ordinance that bans panhandling in Fargo.  Recently there have been a growing number of complaints and concerns of these small business owners lurking on street corners and medians all around Fargo asking and begging for money.

I went and spoke with one small business owner who was lurking on 13th ave and 45th ST. and asked him what he thought of the new ordinance.

“I need grocery money man.  I also need video games, leopard print underwear, and cognac.  It’s hard being a business owner and I’m out here just trying to keep the business afloat.  This new ordinance could put hardworking people out of business!” he said.

Another panhandler stated, “What am I going to do if I’m put out of business?!?  I’m going to have to come back out here and ask for even more money!  What is wrong with this country!!”

Meanwhile, you will be seeing signs such as the one below on busy street corners and intersections in an attempt to remind people not to feed the animals….er…….panhandlers.

Please Do Not Feed the Wildlife