Tag Archives: streets

West Fargo Couple Dies In Car While Waiting For Traffic Light To Turn Green

When the red light finally turned green, both the driver and passenger were no more.

West Fargo, ND – In a stunningly slow turn of events, an older West Fargo couple died while waiting for a red light to turn green.

Leth and Helt Ringgold had pulled up to a red traffic light which recently had been having some functionality “issues”.

Unfortunately for the Ringgolds, the red light took an extraordinarily long time to change to green.

By the time they finally got the signal to proceed through the intersection, both Leth and Helt Ringgold had passed on, gone bye-bye, kicked the bucket, gone upstairs, breathed their last, met their maker, checked out, bit the dust.

The West Fargo Street Department has apologized for this sad mishap and promised to check each and every traffic light to make sure something like this does not happen again.

Interestingly, both Leth Ringgold and Helt Ringgold can be re-arranged into: Long Red Light!

No Parking On Streets Of Fargo After 4+ Inches Of Snow Has Fallen

After 4+ inches of snow, can I be parked on the street? No!

Fargo, ND – A new and much stricter parking law in Fargo may leave many street parkers surprised when they come out to look for their vehicle.

In order to help the snow plows do their job more quickly, after four or more inches of snow has fallen, any owners with cars parked on the streets of Fargo will have their vehicles compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability at the city’s impound lot.

Q: What should owners do with their street-parked cars after 4+ inches of snow has fallen?

A: Perhaps go for a leisurely drive, or go park your car in Moorhead until your street has been properly cleared by the city plows.

Q: Can I get my car back after it’s been impounded?

A: Yes, but it will have been compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability.

People’s Militia Group Votes On Proper Punishment For Downtown Fargo Jaywalkers

Unanimous vote for the death penalty to any jaywalkers in Downtown Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The People’s Militia Group which oversees the Fargo area, unanimously voted at their latest meeting for all Downtown Fargo jaywalkers to receive the death penalty.

The head of the People’s Militia Group is Janik Longway who firmly said: “Since jaywalking is a heinously problematic crime in the Downtown Fargo area, we solemnly recommend the death penalty for any and all jaywalkers.”

“Also, we strongly believe that anyone caught with a parked car on the streets of Fargo after four or more inches of snow has fallen should also receive the death penalty after their car has been quickly compacted into a small, stackable, one foot cube for easy removal.”

If you have a differing opinion on these matters, you’re invited to speak out against them at the next meeting of the People’s Militia Group.

Punishingly, all of the letters in Janik Longway can be re-arranged into: No Jaywalking!