Tag Archives: sugarloaf mountain

Next Olympic Winter Games To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

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The new F-M Curling Club was the deciding factor to have the next Winter Olympic Games in Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The city of Fargo has been abuzz ever since the International Olympic Committee announced that Fargo, North Dakota will host the next Winter Games.

When Fargo first bid for the Winter Olympic Games, most people ridiculed the idea as fake news, and laughed until they cried.

It turns out that in Fargo, the I.O.C. found everything it was looking for in a Winter Games host city.

From their official announcement statement: “Fargo, North Dakota is a paragon-perfect poster-child place that can host the next Winter Games cost-effectively, logically, efficiently, and safely. Plus, Fargo has a lot of fine restaurants and places to drink mass quantities of bier.”

One insider leaked that Fargo’s new, state-of-the-art Curling Club was one of the main reasons Fargo was chosen to host the next Winter Olympix, since curling has now become the #1 favorite spectator event of The Winter Games.

During this leak, the leaker also mentioned that the only real thing Fargo will have to do to prepare for The Games is create some good-sized mountains, possibly from all the dirt that will soon be excavated for the Red River Diversion.

Dr. Pepper Advises All His Patients To Drink More Soda Pop

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Dr. Pepper says when it comes to drinking healthy, the more the better, mmkay?.

Pepper Pike, OH – Dr. Pepper, who’s become a well-known physician throughout the country because of his promotion of health on his television show, is encouraging all his patients to drink more soda pop.

“In the North they drink pop and down South they call it soda, but wherever you live and whatever you call it, you need to drink more of it,” preaches Dr. Pepper, while examining a patient.

Studies show that soda pop is a wonderful source of sugar which provides the body with an excellent source of energy, prevents brain black-outs, instantly cures depression, raises blood pressure for those whose is too low, and helps maintain healthy looking skin, while at the same time benefiting the green environment.

Dr. Pepper sums it up this way: “There are some soda pops that are better for you than others, but I’ll leave that up to you as to which one to choose. I, personally would recommend drinking Dr. Pepper. Trust me, I’m a doctor!”

Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay

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rio sugar loaf compressed

Water into wine

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Water pollution isn’t the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is rotting a famous landmark.

Sugarloaf Mountain, or Pão de Açúcar as it’s called in its native tongue. The mountain gets its name from its shape: a loaf of refined cane sugar. Unfortunately, it bisects Guanabara Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. As you can see in the graphic, it’s in a precarious position.

Bictor Tedhanger

Crackpot Geologist Bictor Tedhanger

Geologist Bictor Tedhanger warns that the mighty Sugarloaf is falling victim to the pollution of its neighboring bay. He threw some geographical jargon at this alarming fact. “Peak elevation of Sugarloaf’s baserock structure has reduced 8.594 cm per year over the past 14.2948 years, partly due to global warming but mostly due to water pollution. The Sugarloaf bedrock is, in essence, fermenting, turning Guanabara Bay into toilet wine.”

The best part about Pão de Açúcar is you can ride a cable car up to the top and see the entire city. It’s a spectacular view, but for how much longer? Either they clean up the bay, or Sugarloaf melts into the ocean. 

Sugarloaf Mountain will need to be renamed Sugarloaf Butte or Sugarloaf Hill if and when it falls below a certain height. Scientists urge you to use it while you can, before its sugar loaf dissolves.