Tag Archives: unfunded mandate

At Zeitgeist Funeral Home, We Put The “Fun” In Funerals!

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We put the Fun in Funeral!

West Fargo, ND – Gone are the days when funerals were melancholy, mournful, and morose.

Zeitgeist Funeral Home believes funerals should be a fun celebration.

Dr. Agustine Elefritz created Zeitgeist Funeral Home to put some serious fun into serious funerals.

“At Zeitgeist, we don’t see why funerals can’t have some colorful balloons and streamers, along with happy upbeat music and fun games that make people feel good,” says Dr. Elefritz.

Zeitgeist Funeral Home offers many different Fun Packages from which to choose.

Dr. Elefritz tells people that “if you want a funeral that is dark and somber, go somewhere else. But if you want a kick-ass fun funeral that everyone will remember for weeks, then just give us folks at Zeitgeist Funeral Home a quick buzz from your cell.”

Somewhat expectedly, all of the letters in “Agustine Elefritz” can be funly re-arranged to spell: Zeitgeist Funeral!

Obama Pens Exec Order Forcing All States To Raise Min Wage To $30/Hour By 2040

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I can do whatever I want because I have all these pens.

I can do whatever I want because I am President and I have all these pens.

Washington, DC – Not to be outdone by Governor Jerry Brown in California, President Obama just signed into law via another Executive Order, a new law which mandates that all 57 states increase their minimum wage to $30 per hour by the year 2040.

If that seems like a big increase, the President defends it by pointing out that it’s less than a dollar per year: “It comes out to only 83.3 cents per year, aaaand, I would bet that most people have 83 cents underneath their couch cushions”, says Obama.

But what about the issue of Big Government dictating yet another unfunded mandate to the private sector which in reality will cause many businesses to cut staff or even close their doors permanently?

To that, the President retorts: “Big Government is always willing to help. In this case, we can provide another bail-out program to assist struggling businesses, or with the stroke of my pens, I can sign another Executive Order which will disallow businesses to cut staff aaaand permanently close their doors.”