Tag Archives: war on drugs

Tiger Woods Asking For Help And Understanding After Admitting Being Wealthy Ain’t Easy

Tiger Woods is asking for help.

Jupiter, Florida – In the wake of Tiger Woods getting arrested for driving under the influence (of something), many see this as his quiet way of asking for help.

Dr. Pedigo Elsworth explains that Tiger Woods may be the victim of over-wealthiness which can easily take its toll on an otherwise fairly normal person.

Dr. Dople Seigworth concurs, noting that having an abundance of money can leave a vacuous void in someone’s life which is usually filled with drugs, alcohol, facebook, or liberalism.

Life ain’t easy when you’re super rich. Just ask Tiger, whose hair is now going gray.

A Go-Fund-Me account is being set up to help Tiger Woods however none of the money raised will actually be given to Tiger as that would just make matters worse for him.

Tiger Woods: “Yeah, I really appreciate the help and support since that is what I need. The song lyrics ‘When you’re down and troubled, and you need a helping hand, and nothing, nothing is going right’ pretty much describes my life these days.”

Ironically, both Pedigo Elsworth and Dople Seigworth can be rearranged to spell: Help Tiger Woods!

New Fargo Donut Shop Specifically Designed For People On Drugs

The Magic Donut caters to druggies.

Fargo, ND – Entrepreneur Jami Hendrix is opening a new doughnut shop in Downtown Fargo.

The unique thing about this donut shoppe is that it will be created with people on drugs in mind.

Jami Hendrix: “Rather than deny we hava drug problem in Fargo, why not accept it and then cater to it?”

She is calling her new biz simply The Magic Donut.

Ms. Hendrix: “We want to heighten people’s donut experience. We can do this with special music and lighting, cool interactivities, along with the general design and layout of the space.”

Besides having wonderful donuts at The Magic Donut, Jami is planning on having:

1. Jimi Hendrix music playing backwards.
2. Highly interactive donut areas.
3. Booths that keep changing shape, like Oprah.
4. Movies playing such as Trainspotting and Blow.

Question: What is the slogan of this new Magic Donut you may ask?
Answer: “Donut chew wanna donut?” and “We have very high standards!”