Area Man Hiding Secret Phil Collins Obsession

January 16th, 2014 | by Nick
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Fargo, ND—A friend of yours really likes Phil Collins but doesn’t want you to know, the Observer has learned. Recently, an area man looked left, looked right, then back over his shoulder as he discreetly plucked his latest purchase of Phil Collins memorabilia from his mailbox. He then scurried inside, delighted.

On the surface there isn’t a trace of evidence of area man’s obsession with the former Genesis frontman. No posters on his apartment walls, no songs on his iPod nor are there any albums in his CD collection. This isn’t because the evidence doesn’t exist—it’s because he is trying very hard to hide it from you.

Area man has made this statement in response to allegations that he was spotted wearing a white Genesis T underneath his work shirt:

“That’s not a band t-shirt,” he abruptly stated as he buttoned the top button. “I don’t own any music by Phil Collins or who did you say…Genesis? Never heard of them. But, seriously…the only famous Phil I know is Dr. Phil–that guy from TV.”

Locals believe that just the other day they witnessed area man in his car performing air drums while the hit song “In the Air Tonight” was blaring loudly at a stop light.

Our sources can indeed confirm that area man is, in fact, infatuated with Phil Collins and will do anything and everything in his power to hide it from you.

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Nick

Co-Founder at FM Observer
Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.

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