Don’t You Dare Put That Dick Pic Of Yours On The Internet

October 23rd, 2013 | by Bill Burns

dont do itHave you ever been searching the internet and randomly ran into something you were absolutely not looking for?  For example, you were surfing Tumblr or any other blog site.  It’s 11 a.m on a Saturday morning.  You’re feeling great. You thank god for letting you experience another day in the fabulous realm called human life.  You fire up your old trusty computer and type in google.com.  Feeling nostalgic, you search for old pictures of past decades which leads to you Tumblr or any other personal blog site.  You’re scrolling down with pure excitement as you’re looking at all the pictures of things you remember of your past childhood.  Just as you were enjoying yourself you scroll down just a little bit more and BAM……dick pics.  Dick pics out of nowhere.

If you are reading this and are guilty of putting dick pics on the internet, let me explain some things to you.

First of all, women don’t want to see your little wiener on the internet.  Wieners are not attractive.  From a female’s AND male’s perspective.  What makes you think a stranger on the internet wants to see your penis?  Nobody.  Nobody wants to see your willy poking out of the bush.

So much garbage is already on the internet we don’t need to be worrying about running into your dick pics as well.  If you ARE going to do it, it’s probably a good idea to not include your face.  What if your mom, sister, or aunt was searching the internet and accidentally landed on your dick pics?  Me, being the nice guy that I am, I wouldn’t wish that odd conversation you would be having with your mom on anyone.  No woman is sitting there thinking, “Yes!  I finally found Mr. Right.  I could NOT for the LIFE OF ME find a good guy who has dick pics on the internet.”

So, is that too much to ask?  Not having to worry about running into dick picks?  Put popeye back in your pants and go do something constructive outside, ok?  Thanks.


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.