Fargo To Build System Of Tunnel Roads

February 4th, 2013 | by Johnnny
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In Fargo, tunnels just make a heck of a lot of sense.

Fargo, ND – In a last-ditch effort to save downtown Fargo, smart city planners are planning a federally-funded feasibility study to investigate the likely possibility of connecting struggling downtown Fargo to the ever-popular West Acres area through a complicated system of underground tunnels.

These tunnels would be both walkable and drivable and also include a drive-thru petting zoo along with a large underground drive-thru food court serving everything from tacos to lefse to zebra mussels.

Mitchal Graham, the city’s long-time Food Czar, is quite sure that the demand for lefse in this quirky northern area is perhaps maybe comparable to that of tacos, even on Taco Tuesdays. Mitch continues: “We also discovered a wonderful Russian recipe for zebra mussels, which now seem to be in plentiful supply locally.”

After multiple set-backs in their long-fought efforts to save the metro region from frequent 500-year floods, top city leaders say it’s time for a diversion to The Diversion.

Rather than continuing fruitless work to route Fargo-Moorhead’s flood-prone Red River around West Fargo’s nifty Sheyenne Diversion system, “We are going to have a little fun and try changing horses midstream”, says council-person Stone Chatman.

“All of a sudden, the boring FM flood diversion project has turned into a way more fun project that will finally connect the weird Downtown crowd with the more up-scale West Acres shoppers”, Stone explains.

When axed about the process that led to changing horses mid-stream, it was explained to our FMO website by a “real person” who wanted to remain under a total cloak of anonymity, that going through the whole slow process of having meetings and discussions that go off on long tangents, answering stupid questions from citizens who know nothing, and then finally voting a simple “yea” or “nay”, all sometimes leads to ultra-stupid solutions that make absolutely no sense what-so-ever.

“Sometimes you just have to follow your gut feelings and just do something spontaneous that you know is right for the community”, our cloaked annonymous informant whispered.

As for the Zebra Mussel recipe, continue to follow this trust-worthy website for all the latest details about how you too can turn an aquatic nuisance species into a delectable dish fit for a president.


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.