Kids Warned Against Playing Outside During Nice Summer Months

April 26th, 2018 | by Johnnny

Don’t let your kids play outside because it’s probably the worst thing they can do.

Fair Play, TX – The American Safety Society is warning parents to warn their children to not play outside this summer.

“Inside the house is where you should play, for sure at night and also during the day,” raps Dr. Daisy Eplin, who currently presides over the American Safety Society.

Dr. Eplin goes on: “Research shows that going outside to play, on a beautiful summery day, is tantamount to eating sugary snacks, while sitting on railroad tracks.”

According to American Safety Society documentation, the many benefits of keeping your kids indoors include: higher IQ, increased tech savviness, fewer broken bones, less chance of bug bites and getting kidnapped, less bullying, improved self esteem, and better social networking skills.

Ironically, all the letters in Daisy Eplin can safely be re-arranged to spell: Play Inside!


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)