Man Immediately Vaporized As He Stepped Outside

April 6th, 2014 | by Bill Burns

Man vaporizedWest Fargo, ND – A West Fargo man says his neighbor was vaporized this morning.

Earlier this morning police received a call from a man who stated he just witnessed his neighbor being vaporized right before his eyes.

Roger was getting the paper outside this morning when he looked to the left and saw his neighbor immediately vaporize as he stepped outside. Leaving just his clothes behind.

“I looked left and POOF he was gone. Just gone. Once the sun hit him..he disappeared.”

Experts say this weird phenomenon is called “vaportification” and mostly happens in the upper Midwest areas such as Fargo, North Dakota. They say that sitting inside for months and months at a time will drain your body of vitamin c, vitamin d, and other important life ingredients.

“Once you step outside after hibernating so long and the sun hits your skin, it goes into a hyperbolic disistenization. This interacts with the giglictic dispotiosiscalictoma.  Once that happens, your bodies cells begin to klosiform. Due to the suns luminosity of≈ 98 lm/W efficacy, the surface temperature has to be just right for the serapatosas to coligulary follicular the phase of the klosiform. But get this, the milky way also plays a factor! It has to have a mean distance of absolute magnitude so the visual brightness can be on the same equatorial radius as earth.  Now, however, the north pole on earth has to have the same measurable rotational period as the axis of the pole dissemination.  That, is why this man instantly vaporized as he stepped outside.  Pretty easy to avoid.”

These vaporizations can happen to anyone.  Be very careful once spring arrives and you step outside after hibernating for 8 months. If you follow the experts explanation above, you will never be a vaporfication victim.

The police chief just made a statement that he would like to ban the sun and the milky way now and would like to implement a fine for anyone using the sun or being in the milky way. He stated he is an expert in this matter and everyone should listen to him.

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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.