Russians Hack Krispy Kreme’s Secret Recipe

April 6th, 2017 | by Johnnny

The Russians might use this recipe to make spare tires for their military trucks.

Moscow, Pennsylvania – With no evidence to back it up, President Trump is alleging that the Russians have hacked Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and stolen their secret recipe.

FM Observer: So, what do you think about the Russians supposedly hacking Krispy Kreme’s secret doughnut recipe?

President Trump: I think it’s a bad deal, a very bad deal, which must be investigated.

Krispy Kreme Founder Vernon Rudolph: Impeccable presentation is critical wherever Krispy Kreme is sold. We must produce a collaborative team effort and never get hacked.

Krispy Kreme CEO Michael Tattersfield: Since 1937, we have striven and strived to be the worldwide leader in sharing delicious tastes and creating joyful memories.

Gov. Chris Christie: I am quite panicked right now! If I donut have my six Krispy Kreme Doughnuts every day I might have to close down a major highway while I have a major panic attack.

President Putin: This whole thing is just a big hoax. However, if we did hack the Krispy Kreme Doughnut secret recipe, we could use it to make spare tires for our military jeeps.


The following two tabs change content below.
Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.